


Shadows & Sunlight

by shadowsinger001



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Mates, Rape/Non-con Elements, Slow Burn, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-10-04 13:43:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 27
Words: 24,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17305667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowsinger001/pseuds/shadowsinger001
Summary: A runaway from a small village outside of Cesere in the Night Court, a young woman, Kyra, ends up working as a servant in an Illyrian Prison for some quick money. What she doesn't expect is to meet a certain hazel-eyed Illyrian prisoner. Nor does she expect to find comfort in him. After an unfortunate series of events, Kyra finds herself separated from her compelling--and rather handsome--friend. Five hundred years later and living in the Summer Court, Kyra gets the surprise of her life when the Night Court visits Adriata for the Summer Solstice and a certain hazel-eyed Illyrian is in tow.This love story follows Kyra, my original character, and Azriel from the ACOTAR series in their early lives (with minor alterations from SJM's story on Azriel in the prisons), and then continues post-ACOFAS.





	1. Blood

**Author's Note:**

> I LOVE AZRIEL AND HE DESERVES HIS OWN MATE.
> 
> (Also SJM owns all the characters and settings with the exception of a few of my original characters. This story does contain some smut and mentions of rape so proceed with caution! I will have warnings at the beginnings of chapters for sections with rape/non-con, but I DO NOT have warnings at the beginnings of chapters for smut. I'll get to work on that soon and update this area once done!)
> 
> *I know that Azriel left the prisons when he was eleven according to SJM, but I altered that storyline for him to be older in the prisons, about 18 years old, to work with my story*
> 
> Alsooo I have a few more Azriel x OC stories written out because I'm a sucker for him. If you enjoy this work and want me to post those, drop a comment! Thanks for reading. Feedback is always appreciated! :)

**KYRA**

 

Blood.

There was blood everywhere.

Blood on the laundry and blood on the floors. Blood in buckets and blood on guards.

Blood.

I saw too much of it nowadays. That, and dirt. There was so much of it. And more than anything, there was so much misery contained in these prison walls.

But I couldn’t afford better could I?

I decided that years ago when I fled from my home. I decided that I would take whatever job I could get until I had enough money and then I’d leave this place and find a nice home in the Summer Court…

Nevermind that they hadn’t paid me in almost a month. Nevermind the screams of the people they tortured day and night. This was a damned Illyrian prison. Maybe the people who were locked up here deserved it. At least… that was what they said.

I grumbled in annoyance and set to mopping the floor where a victim had recently bled out. Who knows what had happened.

 _Don’t ask questions_ , I told myself. _You don’t want any trouble with anyone, remember?_

I scrubbed for the next hour until only a faint rosy glint remained on the dark cobblestone floors. I cringed as I rose to my feet and made my way to the servants’ quarter through the musk, dark hallways.

Upon reaching the small cube in which we kept supplies, ate, drank, slept, and crapped, I dropped off the buckets and set to changing, blessing the rare privacy as the other female servants were tending to guards.

I slipped on my thin and scratchy white nightgown--hardly a slip of cheap fabric put together to cover my ass.

I crawled up a tall ladder to the top bunk just as the door swung open.

“You,” a deep voice rumbled from behind me.

I quickly slipped down the ladder and stood at attention as the greasy guard stepped up to me.

His eyes roved over me once, stopping to hover over my thinly-covered breasts.

I shivered.

“Here,” he said roughly. He held out a silver key in his dirty palm. “Clean the west wing. A patient passed away.”

 _Patient. Passed away…_ Each of the words was a pretty little lie. _Prisoner. Massacred._

But another word hovered in my head.

“West wing, sir?”

Surely there was a mistake. Only two servants were allowed to attend to the west wing, where they housed the most dangerous prisoners.

“ _West wing_ ,” he hissed. “ _Now_.”

I nodded quickly and grabbed the key, flinching as his gaze traveled down my backside as I fled out of the door in my stupid, thin nightgown.

The entrance to the west wing was in the darkest, quietest corner of the prison, guarded by ten guards. Upon my entrance, I showed them my key and they gave way.

 _How strange_ , I thought _, that these guards are now forced to listen to me._

I froze in the entrance of the prison wing, my cold toes meeting frozen cobblestone. Winter raged outside from the only window in the entire wing. To my right, a fireplace was set as the background to a round table. Guards chewing hay and playing cards snorted as I slowly shuffled in.

The light ended as soon as it had begun.

The hallway was dark, lit only in a few places by cracks in the ceiling. I grabbed a large piece of wood and dipped it into a fire mounted on a nearby column. With the torch in hand, I made my way carefully down the expanse of cells, trying the key on each lock. It failed the first twelve, finally opening the thirteenth.

I used a torch to light the sconce on the wall and gently pushed in the creaking door.

Light flooded into the cell as the metal door swung in, illuminating a pool of blood and a frozen body on the heap of blood.

But the light shied away from another, large figure in the corner of the cell, chained down and huddled into a heap. Great, magnificent wings broke from his back and shadows seemed to gather tightly around him.

“Hi, I’m… uh… just taking care of the body.”

I practically slapped myself in the face. Why the hell was I trying to explain myself to a prisoner?

The shadowed figure shifted, black hair falling away to reveal a dirty-yet-handsome face.

I froze.

Those hazel eyes… they were remarkable. And the lines of his jaw and the angles of the column of his neck…

 _The dead body_. Right.

I shook off the burn at my neck and set to dragging out the body out of the cell, grunting at the weight of it.

I shut the door and locked it with the key, frowning as I dragged the body further and further down the hallway and out of the west wing and into the burn room.

Ash coated my hair as I returned to the barracks to sleep. Ash coated my hair and my tongue and my soul as I settled in to sleep.

Whispers filled the barracks--the female servant assigned to the west wing had been found dead in a stairwell, her throat ripped out.

I supposed I would now be assigned to the west wing.

I settled further into my itchy rope hammock.

Sleep never came.

But somehow, in the corner of the dark room, I once again saw those hazel eyes, watching me with a glimmer of curiosity.


	2. Hazel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: rape/non-con

**KYRA**

 

My prediction was right: I had been assigned to the west wing.

I wasn’t sure whether it was a step up or a job that would surely land me in a stairwell with my throat ripped out.

I dressed quickly and grabbed my daily gray slop for breakfast. I downed it. I cleaned the guard toilets and tended to injuries. I downed my lunch bread scraps--stuffing a few pieces into my pockets for later--and took a rare, ice-cold shower with the remaining contents of water in my bucket. After lunch and my shower, I braided my hair and pinned onto my shirt a cobalt ribbon--a marker of my duties in the west wing. A stringy male joined me--the other west wing servant.

I strode into the west wing with my male companion and stood before the wooden table filled with drunk guards.

“Sirs,” he mumbled, standing rigid.

The drinking guards turned to us and I froze alongside my companion. One of them smirked and stood to his full height, wiping beer off of his face with his sleeve. He stode to me, looking down. His alcohol-laced breath tickled my cheek.

“New meat, huh?”

I didn’t look up. “Yes, sir.”

“And High Fae… There isn’t a drop of Illyrian in you, is there?”

“No, sir.”

“Strange…”

His finger ran down my braid and I gulped as he lifted my chin with a long finger.

“You’re a pretty one aren’t ye? Better than the old hag that we killed the other day, right boys?”

_Killed?_

The guards behind him cheered, raising their beers.

“We’ll find something for you to do, won’t we?”

The guards behind him snickered and I froze in fear as he dropped his finger and waved me off. “Skinny, you take the first ten cells. New Meat, you take the remaining cells. Skinny, you’re released afterward. New Meat, you come back here after cleaning. I have some questions for you.”

We both nodded and bowed our heads as they tossed us each a ring filled with keys. Skinny, as he seemed to be called by the guards, skittered off into the first cell.

I trotted over to the twentieth cell and began making my way backwards.

As I entered each cell, I was hit with the smell of urine and feces. I cleaned all of the messes made, and filled the bowls of water left for the prisoners to drink out of like dogs.

I went from one cell to another, never making eye contact at the prisoners within. Most of them, however, couldn’t make eye contact themselves. They were weak and tired and near death anyways.

I was sweating by the time I reached the cell from the other day.

Number thirteen.

I opened the cell door silently and set to scrubbing, unsure whether to look up or not.

There was only one body in the corner of my vision--it seemed he had no cellmate after the last’s death. I scrubbed and scrubbed at the mold forming on the walls and cleaned the hay bed, grabbing any used linens and tossing them out of the cell. I stood and brushed off my pants, making sure there wasn’t anything left.

Sighing at the mess, I turned.

Hazel still burned into my mind.

_Just… one more look._

Chains shifted behind me and I gave in, turning to see the male in the corner.

The light didn’t shy away as much today from him and his face… _gods above_ , his _face._ It was handsome--incredibly so. He had to be around my age--eighteen or so?

His dark hair was cropped to the perfect length--it was luscious, and yet it failed to hide the strong lines of his face. His hazel eyes which would likely plague me day and night were ringed in the faintest circle of gold and bordered by long, dark lashes. The curve of his mouth twitched as his eyes met mine… and they were _kind_. Scared and tentative, but somehow kind.

The muscles of his neck shifted as he gulped and rusted his wings slightly-- _could he truly fly?_

Something strummed in my blood, begging me to stay and I turned around and slipped my hand into my pocket. He watched every movement carefully--watched as I lifted out the remainders of my lunch and held them out.

He blinked--once, twice--and then shifted his wings away so he was no longer partially cocooned by them.

And then he stood.

He was tall--very much so. And though his body was weak and frail, there was no doubt it could one day be the body of a warrior.

His hand gently and hesitantly hovered over mine and… it was scarred.

Fire.

Both of his hands.

I shuddered--unable to imagine why anyone would have done such a cruel, horrid thing to such a beautiful creature.

He was unsure whether to accept it.

“Here,” I murmured, slowly moving my open palm closer to his.

He gently plucked the bread out of my hand, his eyes glued to mine.

He dipped his head in what I could only assume was thanks and retreated back into the shadows.

I, on the other hand, couldn’t move even if I wanted to.

 _Idiot_ , I told myself, _I got too close to a prisoner_. But my heart told another story, humming happily and restoring warmth to my body.

I ran a hand through my hair and let out a soft breath. I slipped out of the door, locked it, and laid my head on the cold door.

_Green-and-brown eyes, ringed in gold._

I slapped myself on the cheek and stood up, quickly returning to my duties.

Maybe… maybe these prisoners didn’t deserve this sort of treatment. I mean… he had been kind. He could have killed me, taken my keys, but… he didn’t. And damn it, I wanted to see those eyes again and learn more about why they shone so sadly.

“New Meat!”

I jolted out of my last cell, locked it, and ran over to the guards. Skinny, it seemed, had already left.

The guard’s eyes were dark in a way that made me shiver. He set down his beer and stood up, pulling me closer by my wrist.

“Come closer.”

 _No_.

“What’s your name, New Meat?”

 _No_.

“Well, _what is it_?”

“Kyra,” I whispered. “Sir.”

“Hmm,” he murmured, tracing my jaw with his finger. “That’s a pretty name, Kyra.”

One of his hands ventured to my back.

“Come here.”

_No._

He grinned.


	3. Gold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Mentions of rape/non-con

**AZRIEL**

 

Something about her drove him mad.

He couldn’t seem to stop seeing her everywhere--especially those eyes.

Gold. They were molten gold--not even a shade of honey brown. Just, pure gold. And her dark, shoulder length hair… it curled at the ends of her braid and was dipped in a shade of carmel. She was… stunning. And… she’d given him her food. She’d looked at his hands and not shied away or flinched. She’d been… upset _for_ him.

He wanted to know more.

But the pain… the phantom screams in his memory… they still plagued him. He could still feel his hands on fire in his waking hours, he could still feel the blood pouring out of his wounds in the torture chambers. The pain… there was so much of it on his body and in his mind. The shadows had been good company, but… he wanted to talk to her. He had to thank her, didn’t he? For the food. Maybe next time, maybe he would-

The murmuring beyond his cell grew louder.

Something was happening down the hallway.

Silence ensued for the next few minutes, soft voices further down the hallway indiscernible to his ears.

…And then she screamed.

It had to have been her. He hadn’t heard her voice, enough to know, but-

Another scream shattered the west wing walls and he froze, his heart begging, begging that they weren’t-

But they did. To every single female who ever entered the west wing they-

Another scream shattered the prison hallway as the guards cheered.

And then the sobbing began… and the begging.

She had been beautiful and they had-

He strained against his chains and failed to break free. And then he curled into a ball of shadows and listened to her cries.

A warm tear slipped down his cheek.


	4. Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Mentions of rape/non-con

**KYRA**

 

They… they had taken me against my will, and I… I didn’t know what I had done to deserve it.

I flipped over in my hammock, crying out as pain shattered up through my legs and into my back.

 _ˇThose bastards_.

I could quit now. Couldn’t I? Or would I end up like the last servant, with my throat cut out in the stairwell?

What in hell had I gotten myself into?

_Fuck._

I didn’t sleep at all that night. I didn’t dare close my eyes or let down my guard until I slipped into cell thirteen the next evening.

I shut the iron door behind me and slid to the ground, closing my eyes for a quick break as the cold metal seeped into my burning bones.

How had I come to feel safest in here?

The rustle of chains sounded in the distance and still, I didn’t open my eyes for another five minutes until sleep began gnawing at me and I knew I would be in trouble. I opened my sore eyes and blinked several times to clear the blurriness.

He was sitting there, watching me.

“Here,” I said, tossing him the bread leftovers from my lunch.

To my surprise, he responded.

“Thank you,” he rumbled back.

His voice was strained from months--if not years--of darkness and starvation. But there was a deep richness in there as well. Perhaps his voice had been lovely once.

His hazel eyes bore into mine and I shifted in surprise as he scooted closer.

“Are you--” he began, testing out words on his tongue as if he hadn’t spoken in years, “are you okay?”

He must have heard.

The screams.

“Yeah, I am,” I lied, rubbing my neck. “I should… go.”

I got up and turned to leave just as his voice rumbled through the cell again.

“Wait.”

I spun on my heel and raised my brow.

“No one ever leaves the west wing alive. If you have the chance, take it.”

I almost laughed. “I have nowhere else to go.”

He frowned. “There are better places to go.”

“And there are _worse_ ,” I retorted.

He went silent and shifted his wings.

I reached for the knob and then turned back again as curiosity nagged at me.

“How did you end up here?”

His eyes lit up in surprise. “I could lie to you.”

_And convince me that he’s an innocent person._

“Somehow,” I said like an idiot, “I don’t think you will.”

He huffed a small laugh and stood up, towering over me. “I’m a bastard. Isn’t that a crime enough?”

He strode closer until our noses were nearly touching. I didn’t dare look up into his eyes.

“Is a runaway much better?” I asked. I wondered if the question was mostly to myself.

“A runaway, hmm?”

I sighed through my nose.

“What’s your name?” He tilted his head, taken aback.

“Take it from me: it’s never any good to share your name. Names are just weapons to be used against people for reward.”

I tried to unscramble his sentence and failed.

“Goodbye, then.”

I inched away.

“Wait.” His hand wrapped around my wrist and I looked into his eyes, surprised. “You… you aren’t scared of me.”

I froze my breath in my lungs. “Why should I be?” The words were strained as he stepped even closer, his eyes roaming my face.

And… and of all things to do, I kissed him.

I had no explanation for why I did it… it was just instinct and my mind was raging and I… I wanted to know what that smart-ass mouth felt like against mine. And it was that damned face. And… I could feel his pain and suffering in his eyes and silent remarks and I couldn’t understand why, but I wanted him to not feel afraid of himself and… I just did it.

His mouth was soft and warm.

He shifted at the impact, but didn’t move away. Instead, his fingers tangled into my hair and he _kissed_ me. Slowly. Tauntingly.

His mouth explored mine gently, meeting my lips kiss for kiss. His other hand stroked my back, sliding to rest on my hips. His warm skin bore into mine as I stood on my toes to gain easier access to his lips.

 _Gods above_.

I liked kissing him.

But… what the _hell_ was I doing?

I pulled away suddenly, panting. But his fingers were still tangled in my hair and his hand on the curve of my hip and his eyes… there was something wild in them. He leaned back down and I jolted back.

“I… I need to go.” I fumbled with the knob as something began to rise in my body--heat so blindingly hot I was certain I would faint.

_What the hell?_

I felt dizzy all of the sudden as the heat surged and surged and surged, and…

“Careful,” he hissed, grabbing me as I swayed.

Somehow, the contact made the heat rise faster.

White-hot fire ran into my veins.

“I have to go,” I whispered, and shut the door behind me, locking it.

I panted as the fire dimmed in my blood, growing cold.

_What happened?_

I could hear his heartbeat on the other side of the door, taunting me.

I turned away as quickly as possible and left the west wing before anyone could notice.


	5. Promises

**AZRIEL**

 

Months had passed and every evening, he saw her.

She never kissed him again like that time… and that time, it had nearly snapped the leashes on his primal side. Something about her… it made his blood boil with pleasure. It made him _want_ her. It was probably nothing more than lust…

The first week after the kiss, she hardly spoke to him. But she brought him her lunch every day and he thanked her every day. The second week after they had kissed, she began talking to him again. Since the second week, they’d exchanged more information than was safe within prison walls. He’d learned more about her then he could remember--except her name. And she’d grown more comfortable around him and sometimes, she’d sit with him and laugh over stories he had.

And all the months they spent growing closer… they never, ever kissed like that again. But he wanted to--more than anything he had ever wanted.

He could sense that she liked him. His shadows murmured it to him day and night. And yet… she never acted on it and he never pushed her to. But… he wanted that again.

“How are you?”

He shrugged off the sleep that had been beginning to tug at him as she slipped into his cell.

“Im fine. You?”

“Good,” she said with a faint smile.

He sat up as she threw him some bread.

“Better than good it seems.”

She smiled at him again and his heart fluttered in the depths of his chest.

“It’s been one year since I left home,” she said softly.

He’d heard about how horrid her upbringing had been, and how she’d left. She had told him weeks ago.

Azriel smiled softly, and offered her a small piece of the bread.

She took it and sat down in front of him.

“Soon I’ll leave this place too,” she said. Something in him sank at the words. “Oh,” she added through a mouthful of bread, “and you would come with me, of course.”

He laughed. “I wish such a thing were possible.”

She nodded. “It is. And I won’t leave without you.”

Again, the stupid butterflies in his chest fluttered and heat pooled in his core.

She had been so kind to him, like no one else had ever been.

“If you get the chance to leave this hellhole, you go alone.”

“Like hell I will,” she snorted.

He stared at her. And frowned.

“I mean it.”

“And I do too, Shadows.”

 _Shadows._ She’d started calling him that three weeks ago. They hadn’t exchanged names. If he was tortured and he gave her up… he’d never forgive himself.

 _It was safer this way for them both_ , he told himself.

“Anyways, Princess. If you get the chance, you go.”

She frowned at the name he’d given her and he smirked.

“ _Princess_ will stay here and get your sorry ass out of here,” she shot back, her face growing determined in a way that made him grin like an idiot.

“ _What_?” she hissed. “You’re grinning like a monkey.”

He snorted. “I’m _offended_.”

“As you should be.”

She munched on the last of her bread.

He fanned out his wings and heated up as she watched them stretch with pure admiration.

 _Idiot_ , he told himself _, stupid, puffed-up, idiot Illyrian_.

He still took his time stretching out his wings--a little showier than he usually did.

She looked down, her cheeks pink. She rubbed the back of her neck, as she always did when she was embarrassed.

“You’re beautiful,” he said suddenly, cursing his stupid mouth.

She looked at him, her golden eyes wide.

“You think so?”

He coughed and scratched his head. “Of course… of course I do.”

There was an awkward pause before he spoke again.

“Did you mean it… about getting me out of here? You know it’s impossible, right?”

She dangled her keys for him to see.

“Still… it’s hard to get past all of the guards, Especially since I hardly get to eat. I can barely stand.”

Nevermind the fact that her food had gotten him to gain some much-needed weight.

“I’ll do it somehow… even if I end up paying with my life.”

He froze. “…Why?”

“Because… you’re the first person whose company I have enjoyed in a very, very long time.”

“I’m honored,” he returned, performing a mock bow. But he knew what she meant… how much he meant. “You know, don’t you? That I’ll always protect you if you need it. That… that I’ll be there if you need me.”

She looked up, her eyes soft. Strands of dark hair slipped over her cheek. He… he wanted to touch them, to tangle his fingers in her silky hair. “You promise?”

“I swear it,” he whispered back, taking her hand.

“Then it’s a bargain,” she murmured.

He sent her a crooked smile. He knew exactly what she wanted. She wanted a tattoo.

“It’s a bargain,” he replied.

The burn registered at the base of his neck.

“What is it?” she asked, rubbing the back of her own neck.

“A set of Illyrian wings,” he said softly.

She knew that he couldn’t fly, and she’d promised one day he would be able to. He’d do it. They’d both make it out of here alive and he’d fly with her in his arms towards the stars.

She smiled softly and he froze as she kissed his scarred knuckles and then his palms.

“Come here,” she said softly, patting her side in the corner of the cell.

He obliged, scooting in next to her. He folded his wings behind his back, against the wall.

And then… she kissed him.

A small noise rumbled at the base of his throat as she opened her mouth to let his tongue in. He kissed her roughly, tugging at her silken hair. His blood boiled and he pulled back. She frowned.

“Is everything okay? Do you want me to-”

“I want to touch you,” he whispered softly.

Her eyes locked onto his and then melted into something fiery and solemn. She gently lifted one of his hands to her backside, and the other to her breast.

His core heated and he lifted her gently into his lap.

“I like you,” he whispered onto her neck, his hands gently squeezing her backside.

Her breath hitched. “I… I like you too, Shadows.”

His lips met her burning neck, pressing kisses up and up, to her jaw. She moaned softly as his other hand began palming her breast.

The moan shattered the leash on him.

He pressed her to the ground underneath him and kissed her roughly. Her fingers tangled into his hair as his hips grinded against hers. His fingers began exploring underneath her shirt, meeting burning skin and eventually--her bare breasts.

She moaned, her fingers digging into the muscle of his back as he ground himself against her harder and harder, and slipped his hand under the belt of her pants.

Wet. She was utterly wet as he slipped in a finger and then another. He covered her mouth with his as she begged for more and moaned over and over again. She bit his neck, claiming him, just as her other hand scraped down the sensitive membrane of his wing.

He cried out, thrusting his fingers deep into her as pleasure exploded along his bones.

She moaned loudly enough that he froze.

“Careful,” he whispered, nipping at her ears.

She arched into him, grinding to get his fingers in deeper.

“ _Fuck_ ,” he moaned, thrusting harder as she came underneath him.

She was panting, sweat gilding her skin under him. Her fingers were digging into his skin, claiming him as her teeth had been earlier.

 _More_ . They both needed _more._

The sliding of a lock had them both scrambling away from each other.

“You in here, New Meat?” a skinny boy said as the door creaked open. A servant, by the looks of it.

“Yeah,” she whispered back, straightening out her shirt. “Coming.”

Azriel ignored the feeling of dominance that sparked in his blood as he looked at what he’d done to her.

 _Mine_ , his blood sang.

She gently closed the door and kissed him, her warm hand resting on his jaw.

“We’ll continue this tomorrow.”

His body lit up at the promise.

“Goodnight, Shadows. One day, I’ll show you the world,” she whispered, pressing one more kiss to his lips before slipping out of the door.

Tears threatened to escape his eyes.

A world. One beyond the cobblestone and chains, one he could not remember.

“Goodnight, Princess.”


	6. Punishment

**AZRIEL**

 

Golden. Golden eyes ringed in dark lashes.

It was all he could see, _wanted_ to see for the next several hours. Her eyes, more beautiful than the stars she had described to him that one night, nestled in his wing.

How far they’d come… from a servant and a prisoner to _this_.

Shadows and Princess.

He wanted to know her name, more than anything he had ever wanted to know. He wanted to talk to her again for the rare few minutes they stole each day. He wanted to learn more about her, about where she was from and what made her moan.

If only his half-brothers could see him now. They’d condemned him to this shit-hole, to this darkness… and he had found a star. A beautiful, burning star.

Even the stupid guards saw it. They tried to dim that light. And whenever Azriel heard her screams, whenever she entered his cell the next day with purple under her eyes, he’d hold her and murmur about the great, big snow-capped mountains that glimmered blurrily in his memory. It was all he remembered of the outside world. Of course, she’d told him more about it and he’d just started to imagine it…

At first he’d thought it was purely lust driving him to her, but there had to be more. There had been many servants in his cell, and many women he’d seen before, but none that dared to look at him beneath the scars and shadows. She was… spectacular.

Azriel didn’t know what his future held, but she’d be there, smiling, her golden eyes lit up in laughter.

He sighed, flipping onto his back to look up at the ceiling, and the glorious sky above that she’d told him of.

Purple and pink and blue and green and white. A sky of darkness and shadows, splattered with a million stars the color of her eyes.

He smiled, even as footsteps shuffled outside of his cell.

“This one.” Ah. Azriel recognized the voice. Noodle-boy. Skinny legs, whatever they called him.

“You’re sure?” Keys jangled in the cell door and Azriel sat up, his shadows suddenly spinning and whirring.

“That’s the one, sir. He’s the bastard that’s been seducing her.”

_What?_

The door swung open and Azriel blanched as a bearded guard spit at him.

“So Skinny here tells me that you’ve been fooling around with the new meat, huh?”

Azriel froze, watching as a bag clinking with gold landed in the servant’s palm. The skinny boy scuttled away.

_Shit. Shit. Shit._

“We can’t have you doing such things, you see?” The guard inched closer, his yellow teeth parting in a grin that meant trouble. “It gives you ilk… _hope_.” He spat the word.

“Fetch her!” he shouted. Boots scuffled in the distance.

No. No no nonono.

His shadows broke free, searching for her.

“I guess we’ll just have to punish the two of you, won’t we?”

His grin consumed the darkness.


	7. Run

**KYRA**

 

I smiled to myself, humming softly as I swung in the darkness from my hammock in the servant’s quarter. Gentle snores filled the room and I smiled again, running my fingers over the back of my neck, where I knew a tattoo lay, promising me a future.

His words, his laughs, his body… they’d erased the horrors that I had endured and made everything seem worthwhile. His name… if only I knew it. If only I could see his hazel eyes for longer each day.

A wisp of darkness brushed up against me, lulling me to sleep. I ignored it, even as another wisp enveloped me, humming wildly.

I wouldn't sleep tonight. Probably not ever. I had to get him out of here, one way or another. And then, I’d show him the world.

Another shadow brushed against me, curling around my ear.

 _Run_.

I jolted up, looking around, but no one had said anything. Heart racing, I settled down again. Footsteps sounded in the distance.

_Run. Please. Go now._

I shivered, dismissing the wild voices.

Paranoia. After what Skinny might have seen through earlier. Pure, wild-

 _Leave now. They’re coming_.

The shadows screamed and screamed and-

Instinct took over--if anything I was doing it to be safe. Even if I looked like an idiot.

I slipped out of my hammock and down a ladder and into the servant’s stairwell entrance, shutting the trapdoor above me. I waited, peering through the cracks.

_Go. Be free._

I slapped my cheek as minutes passed and reached for the hatch to open the door. I had overreacted and it was nothing. Absolutely nothing. The first lock plopped open, the door opening--

Light poured in. Not from the trapdoor but from the servant’s quarters entrance. Two sets of boots entered the room and I shut the hatch as the guards began screaming orders, telling all the servants to line up.

 _Run_.

This time, I didn’t ignore the voice.

Barefoot, I ran down the dusty spiral stairs, ignoring the fear building up as the trapdoor began banging.

_Run. Run. Run._

I listened to that voice, running and running until I was in the empty hallway, where no guards roamed. I ran faster until I reached the upper level, where the only exit from the prison stood. The door was open, feet away, guards gone to investigate the shouting.

 _Go_.

I watched the door for a long time, contemplating. Until, a chill burst of wind swept in, sending me in the opposite direction.

Shadows.

I ran towards the west wing, begging him to be alive. Those hazel eyes, the flightless wings. The beautiful male who had never been allowed to be himself. Who had been burned into submission, led to believe he was a bastard-born nobody.

If I was in danger then surely he was too.

The west wing was silent as I ran towards the thirteenth door, grabbing a pair of keys along the way. I shoved them into the door, swinging it open to find--

“ _Go! I told you to go!”_

He screamed the words around the rag in his mouth, a guard beside him grinning as I entered.

A trap.

“I’m not going,” I whispered, managing to find my foothold even as fear took hold of me.

“ _Go!_ ” he cried out, as the guard kicked him.

“I made a promise to you,” I murmured, touching the tattoo on the back of my neck.

A tear slipped down his face, but he understood.

I wouldn’t leave. I had nowhere else to go, no one else to want with me.

The fear left me, determination filled me even as rough hands grabbed my back, even as they dragged me away with him yelling.

As long as they didn’t hurt him, I was happy. Even they hurt me instead.

I closed my eyes as I began screaming.


	8. Dust

**AZRIEL**

 

It was the scream that broke him, shattered everything he thought he was.

She never begged throughout the night, as they performed horrors on her he didn’t even imagine, only feet away from his cell.

He begged, though. Promised anything in return for her. He promised to do anything they desired, as long as they--

A muffled scream shattered through him as he tore at the locks on his chains and failed, as she screamed with him, over and over again.

And the last part of him started shattering as blood leaked into his cell, more than any Fae could survive. As he heard her beg them to stop _cutting her open_. As her scream curdled his blood, reaching an all-time high, and then--cut off… as if there was no life left. As her body crumbled to the floor, hitting the ground with a dull thud.

The sound rang in his head for a minute as silence fell and then he heard the guards say to _dump the body_ , and then roaring began. In his mind and body as he realized the blood and silence and emptiness in him was because she was dead.

A crack began in the center of his body, spiraling out from his chest and into his soul.

Never again could he love. Never again would he let another close to him. Never again would he open his mind and soul to another being. Never again would he be able to laugh and love and share and _feel_ as he had with her. Never again.

And so Azriel looked up at the ceiling and saw nothing but cobblestone and dust.


	9. Memory

**KYRA**

 

I woke up panting and threw up. Over and over and over again until I could breathe again. I washed my face in the sink, and looked into the mirror, unable to see myself.

A nightmare.

Or more: a memory.

Five hundred and fifty or so years had passed since that day, several lifetimes ago. I still couldn’t escape its clutches.

They had torn me apart and poured into me a stone of the blackest night until the power consumed me and my senses died, and I too.

But whatever they’d burned into me, it had brought me back, naked in the snow, miles away from the prison where they held him.

To this day, I didn’t know how to remove that infernal stone from my stomach. All I knew was that it had granted me power--immense and sickening. So powerful that it consumed me day and night and even when I had learned how to control it, plagued me with visions of death.

I had wandered, naked and freezing in the snow, to the nearest city. And from there, had wandered south until my body was warm and I could see light--so much of it that I couldn’t remember the darkness. So that I couldn’t be reminded of the very thing I lost.

Adriata. That was where my feet had led me. And that was where I had settled, working various jobs for myself, and others for the High Lord himself. I lived in a beautiful apartment, on the furthest shores of Adriata, befriending many, but never loving as I once had.

_Shadows._

I groaned and washed my face.

So much had changed in these years. So much. I doubted I could ever recognize him today. I doubted he would ever recognize me.

I showered quickly, rubbed salve on the scars which still ached centuries later, and threw on a loose, white blouse, and dark pants. I strapped a dagger to my side and slipped out as dawn broke over the ocean.

The smell of salt and sea filled my nose as I hurried down the cobblestone road to the bakery by the High Lord’s castle. A familiar figure loomed outside the beautiful bakery, a building made of glass and wood and surrounded by lanterns. Little iron tables and chairs spotted the front, candles gleaming on them.

“Mira!” I shouted, smiling as the blonde came bounding over to me. Her sea-green eyes sparkled as they did each morning.

“Sleep well?” she chuckled, wrapping me in a hug.

Her eyes easily picked up on my expression and she sighed. “Neither did I, Kyra.”

I huffed a breath of cold air, praying that the sun would rise quickly.

“Sorry I was busy last week,” I mumbled as we made our way into the shop and began opening up.

“It’s really alright,” she murmured, “how was _Tarquin_?”

The emphasis on the name made me snort. “It isn’t like that.”

“Bullshit,” she shot back and I laughed.

“No, really. I mean he’s sweet and all, but for the Cauldron’s sake, he’s a _High Lord_.”

“You could easily ensnare one. And besides, I see _him_ staring at you whenever he _pops_ by.”

I threw a napkin at her and she dodged it, laughing. The noise was bubbly and I laughed with her. “It’s a pity but all the handsome High Lords are taken and I doubt one would take interest in me anyways. And you know Tarquin, he only speaks to me to get me in his favor so that I’ll come by and train his troops.”

“ _Furthermore_ proving my point.”

I groaned and began sweeping the floor.

“Speaking of High Lords, we may have a busy day.”

“Mira, how in the world do High Lords relate to our business?”

She coughed and raised a brow.

“Night. Court.”

“Fuck. That’s today?”

“Mmhm.”

I frowned. The High Lord and his court were visiting Adriata. After all, today was the Summer Solstice. They would be staying for a week--one week I had no plans of visiting the castle for.

“I’ve heard they’re kind,” Mira offered. Her smile was strained.

“It was my home… once. I never met anyone kind there.”

A lie.

I threw on an apron and set to baking. “And besides, I get off the shift at noon.”

“As do I,” Mira hummed. “You owe me a drink.”

“I suppose I do.”

=

Noon hit faster than I realized any by six Mira and I were on the roof of my apartment, drinking.

I slung a leg over the roof, dangling as Mira threw me another bottle of wine.

“Drink up,” she said, her voice slightly slurred. I raised my bottle in the air, watching as the two other males on my roof drank and chatted.

“ _You two_ ,” Mira hissed, “are gossiping like a pack of women. My ears hurt.”

The first male, Kai--a tan, brown-haired and blue-eyed male--chuckled to his companion. His companion, Emry, a dark haired, tall male with similarly-blue eyes snorted and stood. He strolled over to me and sat across from me, peering down at the sheer drop below.

Mira and Kai began bickering behind us and I smiled softly as Emry turned to me.

“How much longer until the two of them act on it?” he groaned. “The tension is too much.”

I laughed and looked towards Mira, who was indeed blushing furiously.

“I want her to be happy,” I said solemnly, looking up at the cotton candy sky.

“And what about you?” Emry murmured, taking my hand.

“I’m perfectly happy.”

“That’s a lie, Kyra. You know it.”

“Does it matter?”

“It sure as hell does.”

“To who?”

“To _me_.”

I looked up into Emry’s eyes, bright as the ocean in the daylight. Light. There was light in his eyes. There had been no light in _his_ … in Shadows’s eyes. All I had left was a childish name I had created, and yet it meant more to me than the world. He was out there somewhere--if he wasn’t dead. Perhaps he had mated, had children.

The tattoo on my neck flared up and I rubbed my palm over it.

“Kyra, learn to love again.” His eyes were filled with worry. He didn’t know about Shadows, but I’d told him a million times…

“I lost someone I loved. I won’t do it again.”

He frowned and chugged a large portion of his bottle. The smell of alcohol mixed with the citrus and salt of the ocean. Leaves rustled with the soft waves beyond.

He sighed and stretched out his leg.

“I’m sure wherever he is, he would want you to love again.”

“I know him and what he would want. You don’t.”

“But I know you, Kyra. And I have known you for over five hundred years.”

I groaned and shook my head. I shot him a weak smile. “Let’s focus on happier things tonight.”

He stared at me for a long moment, his eyes realizing the same thing as before--I wasn’t ready to face moving on yet.

“I’m going to go grab us some food,” I said to the sky, smiling as Mira pulled Kai to the edge of the roof.

“I’ll come with you,” Emry murmured, bumping my shoulder as we climbed down the ladder.

“Ahh, a moment longer and I might have thrown up because of those lovebirds,” I sighed, chuckling with Emry as we raided my kitchen.

He plopped down on the sofa in the adjoined living room, looking out through the clear glass wall to the patio and ocean beyond.

“Kyra?”

“Hmm?” I hummed, rustling through the dishes and produce.

“I…” he trailed off. “Nevermind.”

“Go ahead,” I said, voice strained as I pulled out a large platter from the cupboard.

He sighed audibly and sank down into the couch. “Really, forget it.”

I raised a brow, and jumped as somebody slid down the ladder.

“Kyra! Emry!”

“Yeah?” I shouted as Mira came around the corner and grabbed my wrist. Emry stood suddenly.

“The Night Court. The just arrived on the main street.”

She tugged me towards the patio and I dug my heels into the floor. “I. Don’t. Want. To. See.”

She made a pouting face and pulled me harder. “The point isn’t that it’s the Night Court. The point is that I caught a glimpse of the males and it was enough to make me want to launch Kai off the roof.”

Kai snorted as he entered the room. “I’ll take it as a compliment.”

“Oh?” I raised a brow. “I haven’t gone handsome-male chasing in a while.”

Emry rolled his eyes.

“Is that a yes?” Mira asked, her eyes wide.

“It isn’t entirely a no.”

Mira squealed and grabbed a coat. She flung it at me full-force and fumbled with the door knob.

“I assume you ladies aren’t interested?” I smirked at the two males.

“You’re really going?” they both shouted in unison.

“Take care of the house. I’ll bring her back once I can pry her away.”

They gaped at me and then shrugged, grabbing two bottles and plopping onto the sofa.

“Kyra!” Mira shouted. “Hurry or we’ll miss them!”

“I’m coming,” I mumbled, and shut the door with my heel.


	10. Illyrians

**KYRA**

 

After ten minutes of meandering, we found the males--or at least, the throng of gathered Summer Court residents foaming at the mouth.

“ _That_ good looking?” I mumbled under my breath.

“ _That_ good,” Mira echoed.

“You do realize that they’re all likely taken, right? Doesn’t that foil your plans?”

“The Spymaster is as single as they come, as far as I’ve heard.”

“And the General, to be fair.”

“You grab one, I grab the other.”

I laughed and looped arms with her, pushing through the crowd.

“There’s no hope,” I said over the crowd, “there’s so many people I couldn’t possibly see.”

The crowd was so thick that I couldn’t even see the street. Hundreds of Fae gathered, cheering and throwing flowers--for the Night Court’s help during the last war.

“Come on,” I said, squeezing to a back alley.

Mira flailed, pointing back towards the crowd. “No! That way.”

I pushed her further into the alley and pointed to a building. “Climb.”

“Are you insane?”

“You insisted on me seeing them.”

She sighed and swayed, and then began climbing. I followed after her, keeping her from falling. She collapsed onto the flat roof, panting.

“ _Get up_ ,” I huffed, pulling her to her feet.

She stumbled over to the edge of the roof and I grabbed her arm.

“Don’t fall.”

She rolled her eyes and pointed down.

Down to where…

“Holy shit.”

“Holy shit indeed. I told you.”

For in the center of the street were three males and five females.

The High Lady walked by her High Lord, smiling. He was unbelievably handsome and wreathed in night.

Behind them, walked two females--the High Lady’s sisters by the looks of it.

Following them was a female clad in red, two Illyrian males at her sides.

“The General,” Mira whispered, pointing to the longer-haired of the two, his Siphons burning red. He was tall and powerful, his eyes alight with joy.

“The Shadowsinger,” I whispered, taking in the elegant, handsome face and the sharp lines of his tanned body. Wings of pure night sprouted from his back, shadows dancing around him and melding with the blue of his Siphons. Tattoos lined his muscled arms, the same color as his hair. He was the quiet one, the one they always described as ruthless. Yet if anything, he seemed quiet in a lonely way. His hazel eyes tracked the crowd, the roofs, his mouth a strained line.

“I might melt,” Mira whispered in awe.

I laughed softly, but I couldn’t take my eyes off of the shadowed male as he passed by the roof, headed towards the castle he would be staying in with his court.

His eyes scanned the roofs, and I froze as his hazel eyes met mine for the briefest of moments. They lingered for a heartbeat and he froze.

“He’s looking at youuu,” Mira sung, half-drunk.

But I ignored it as he tipped his head, his eyes bearing into mine.

I broke contact first, looking down at his--

His _hands_.

 _Burned_.

_Black hair._

_Shadows._

_Hazel eyes._

_Illyrian._

_The Shadowsinger._

_The male who had spent time in a prison and become ruthless._

No. Not… not possible.

It was him.

It… it was _him_.

I grabbed Mira and winnowed home.

I barely made it to the sink before I threw up.


	11. Alcohol

**AZRIEL**

 

I was dreaming. The exhaustion must have made me delirious. But those eyes… they had seemed vaguely familiar.

Golden.

Like a woman I knew a long time ago. Who had died and taken my heart with her.

I shook off the shiver at seeing the woman on the roof. Her eyes had seemed so similar to the girl I’d cared for but of course, they were not one and the same.

She was dead.

 _Dead_.

“Let’s get drunk tonight,” Cassian growled at Mor over the crowd.

They hadn’t noticed me falter.

“Why the hell would you want to do that?” Mor hissed. I want to be able to dance tomorrow without a pounding headache.”

“We’re on vacation; we can do whatever the hell we want.”

“You’re lucky they even lifted the ban on you! Azriel, tell him that!”

“Hmm?” I mumbled, brows raised.

Mor tipped her head, golden hair tumbling down. “Are you alright?”

“I think I have to agree with Cassian on this one.”

Mor squealed and Cassian grinned at his rare win.

“I say we slip out now,” his brother said with a shit-eating grin.

“You’ll be pelted by women,” Mor said, crossing her arms.

“Are you coming with us, or not?” Cassian asked, throwing an arm around my shoulder and hauling me towards the edge of the crowd. He winked as Rhysand turned back, and the High Lord only rolled his eyes as his General smirked.

“Fine. One drink,” Mor said, and winnowed them far from the crowds.


	12. Walks

**KYRA**

 

Azriel.

 _Azriel_.

I threw up as Mira rushed to my back. The two males jumped to their feet.

“What the hell happened?” Emry asked, rubbing my back.

I ignored him, unable to breathe as I threw up again.

“Get her some water.”

I gasped as the last of it spilled out of me. “I’m fine. I’m perfectly fine.”

“You sure as hell aren’t,” Emry snapped, holding the water up to my lips.

I drank it and sunk to the kitchen floor.

I watched as Mira ushered Kai to the roof. Emry sat down next to me.

“What happened?” he insisted.

“I need a walk,” I said instead, standing up.

“Then I’m walking with you.”

“I need to walk _alone_ ,” I snapped, walking out the front door and to gods-know-where. I let my soul guide me wherever it wished.

I knew Emrys walked behind me and I didn’t give a shit.

Azriel.

That was _him_.

The male I had been ready to die for. He was there, feet away from me, all grown and safe.

I walked down the street, the biting cold settling in as I walked and walked and walked.

Minutes passed in silence, Emry behind me. I could winnow away in a moment, but I knew he was worried and so I continued to walk deeper into the city, to the less traveled parts.

I walked down a bright road, canopied with crisscrossing strings of lights. Music flowed through the streets in preparation for the Summer Solstice. Children ran in the street, laughing as they chased one another.

More laughter rang out from a nearby tavern--the greatest in the city, known only to its truest residents.

I wandered in, Emry not far behind.

The tavern was packed to the brim, couples dancing merrily in the center, people drinking happily all around. I sat down by the fireplace, listening to a nearby bard singing.

Emry lingered behind me, his eyes wide. “Come home safely alright?” He kissed my forehead and left the tavern.

I stared at the fire for a long time, until my eyes burned. And then I stared at the ceiling, and then the fire until my eyes drooped.

I rubbed my eyes as laughter broke out, along with some cheering.

My body was numb as I unfolded my legs and turned to where--

_Gods. I really had shitty luck._

For there, with the General and the High Lord’s cousin, stood the Shadowsinger.


	13. Drunk

**AZRIEL**

 

Somehow, after long minutes of walking, they’d ended up here, in a small tavern in the furthest corners of the city.

Not that it was a bad thing--the tavern was lively and yet not overwhelming. People didn’t seem to care much that two Illyrians were in their midst--except for a few females.

Not that I really cared.

I tucked my wings in closer, following Cassian through the crowd, until we reached a quieter section of the tavern, where a bard hummed soft songs of the war and a fireplace warmed lonely souls.

My shadows hummed, murmuring to me. And then they fluttered away, headed towards the fire. I watched after them as they mingled in the air and passed by a curled-up figure before the fire.

That figure rustled, turning bleary eyes to me, blinking several times.

 _Golden_.

The same eyes from the roof.

 _Her_ eyes.

I broke her gaze quickly, not needing to remember the shattering end that had come to the woman I had cared for. I… I loved Mor, didn’t I? Or was she just someone I had lusted after to fill a gap that I… No--that was cruel, even if… even if night after night I had hoped to see _her_ again in my dreams.

I didn’t so much as blink as Cassian handed me a drink. I downed it without a single breath.

Still, I could feel golden eyes watching me. My shadows begged me to look again.

“You’re awfully quiet,” Cassian grumbled.

Mor slapped his arm. “If you’re going to be a jerk, you can leave.”

“No chance, sweetheart,” Cassian crooned back.

I sighed, pressing a smile to my face--as much as I could muster.

I was tired… so, so tired. And I needed time--alone.

I didn’t hesitate when Cassian passed another drink, and by the time I’d finished my third, I let my guard slip just enough. Just enough… to look at her again.

She was standing now, chatting with another male with white-blond hair.

And standing in plain view… she was _something_ . Blame it on Illyrian instincts more than resemblance to _her_ , but the female before him was beautiful. Even in her coat, I could see the powerful shift of muscle underneath, and the beautiful face above. All angles and curves, her skin was tan and her eyes golden--pure, molten gold. Her hair was dark, cascading over her shoulders and shifting to a lighter color at the ends. And her lips…

I turned away and rolled my eyes as Cassian smirked, his gaze going straight to the female.

“Not bad,” he murmured, running his eyes over her.

I bristled and strode over to Mor.

Let Cassian talk to her, talk her into joining him in bed. I didn’t deserve to talk to such a beautiful woman anyways. Even if… even if I had been lonely for centuries more than I dared to admit.

“You alright?” Mor asked silently, her eyes sliding back to Cassian.

I didn’t dare look back, to see where he’d likely wooed the golden woman.

“I’m fine,” I said as honestly as I could. Even though the entire world seemed to be collapsing around me day by day.

Rhys was still there, but he was with Feyre most of the time. And his brother was smitten with a hellcat he’d likely pursue until death. And Amren--carving out a life between Adriata and Velaris. And Mor… I guess Mor was alone to an extent. But she had been happy before, and I had lost the one thing I loved and now I wasn’t sure where to go with the war over.

What to do.

“Talk to her,” Mor said with a half-smile.

I only knew I was blushing because Mor snorted at me. She winked at something behind me--likely the girl I had been staring blatantly at minutes ago.

The alcohol was really letting down my guard.

I frowned. “It’s not like that.”

“Of course it isn’t because you haven’t _talked_ to her.”

“And what would talking to her gain me?” I knew the question was stupid--and it was directed at me.

“Someone to talk to,” Mor sighed, swirling the liquid in her glass.

A hand clamped down on my shoulder and I didn’t so much as flinch. I’d felt it coming moments ago.

“Failed, hmm?” Mor hummed, downing her glass.

Cassian hissed at the smug expression on her face. “I went to talk to her and she gave me a _glare_ and so I backed off.”

“Scared, hmmm?” Mor grinned.

I laughed softly. “If she had the audacity to glare at you, I might as well try.”

Cassian raised a brow and then his drink. “Good luck, brother. Don’t get your balls bitten off.”

I snorted and turned.

She was watching me--at least, in her peripheral vision. I could feel it as I approached her. But she didn’t glare at me or threaten to chop my balls off so I managed to make it within feet of her.

Lavender… and a hint of linen and citrus.

She turned to face me, cutting off the male she’d been speaking to.

And damn me to hell, but all my stupid Illyrian instincts failed me. I didn’t remember how to talk or how to smoothly begin a conversation as I used to be able to. I didn’t even know--

“Hi,” she said softly. Her voice was heavy--and not with exhaustion or anything else. Just… empty.

Maybe I had made a mistake in bothering her. Perhaps I should go and leave her to--

“Can I help with something?” she asked, her voice warming slightly.

Bless the Cauldron, I unfroze. But still, my mouth couldn’t remember how to properly craft a sentence.

“I was wondering if you… uh, wanted to grab a drink with me?”

I nearly slapped myself in the face. It was the most stupid thing I’d said in a while. Just the way I’d phrased it… as if we weren’t already in the tavern.

But she smiled and laughed a little and for some damn reason… my heart fluttered.

“I would love to, but I think I’ve had too much to drink and I can barely make it home at this rate.”

Heat rose up in my neck. “Sorry to bother you.”

But still, her face was soft and inviting.

“I assume you haven’t been in Adriata for long?”

I managed to smile. “No, not really.”

“I’ll make a bargain with you,” she said with a smile that froze me, “walk me home and make sure I don’t fall and die, and I’ll show you some of the best spots in Adriata.”

So she really was drunk then. If it wasn’t an excuse to escape me.

I scrubbed the back of my neck and smiled. “I’d love to.”


	14. Goodnight

**KYRA**

 

I was such a damned idiot, but… I couldn’t stop the words flowing out of me. Not when the unfairly handsome male had come up to me of his own will.

It was him.

_Shadows._

Maybe the request had seemed strange, coming from a woman he didn’t know. But… I knew him. I knew those lips and those eyes and those arms. And it was a pure relief when he had said yes, that he would _love_ to.

I was drunk enough that I feared I’d say something stupid, but I held out a hand.

“Kyra.”

His eyes fluttered for a second before he took my hand and shook it.

“Azriel.”

I smiled as he led the way out of the tavern, his rowdy friend howling after him. I chuckled as the General’s eyes locked with mine, and I winked. He snorted back, a genuine smile on his face.

Whatever that meant.

“So you’re from Adriata,” Azriel began as we entered the quiet street once again.

“Not originally,” I said, peeking at the male beside me. “But it’s been my home for many years. Of course it’s likely nothing like Velaris.”

He was _tall_. And… could he fly now? And his home… they all knew about it now. About the starry city in the north. Where happiness reigned even while the rest of the court harbored dark souls. I bit down on my lip.

“Adriata is beautiful in a different way,” he said, tilting his head to the sky. “But Velaris is a city like none other.”

I nodded, walking beside him. Silence ensued long enough that I laughed.

“It’s strange… meeting someone new again. After so many years. I forgot how awkward it starts off.”

He chuckled--the sound beautiful--and smiled at me.

I was going to melt.

“I’ve traveled to many places and met many people and yet… the first time is always hard.”

I nodded.

He dug his hands into his pocket, his wings fluttering slightly in the wind.

“What is it like,” I began suddenly, “to fly?”

He was taken aback at the question but he grinned. “Unlike anything. The freedom of listening to the song of the winds, of flying through them… It’s sad to know that many Illyrian females will never get to taste the skies.”

My heart burned at the wish he had finally gotten after years of imprisonment.

“The whole wing-clipping thing never ended, not even with Rhysand.”

Azriel raised a brow.

“I grew up in the Night Court,” I said with a smile to the male wreathed in shadows. “I lived among Illyrians.”

“Which part?” he asked with surprise.

“A small village--twenty miles south of Cesere.”

I had never told him that before.

I looked at him and there was no recognition, but it was obvious that he was intrigued.

“Why’d you leave?”

“I feared darkness,” I whispered, silently enough for only me to hear.

But he heard it too, and paused his walking. Waves crashed behind the shadows of his wings as he halted.

“There are many people who face darkness and do not overcome it. That you made it here… that in itself is a miracle.”

No one… no one had ever seen it that way.

 _Coward_. That’s what I had always thought of myself.

“Thank you,” I said softly, and began walking again. His footsteps resumed behind me for long moments before they eventually caught up to me.

I was walking with a man I had once loved and yet… here I was talking about depressing things.

“I drank too much,” I chuckled.

But his face was honest as he said, “Opening up is a far better way to meet someone than to put on a mask.” As if he knew how I felt…

“Thank you for walking me,” I said with a smile, pointing to my home.

“That’s a beautiful house,” he murmured, looking at it with a glimmer of admiration.

“Thank you,” I said--smiling as if I meant it. Because I did. Because even if it was short, I had _talked_ to him.

His shadows hummed silently, curling around me. They were dark and warm and hummed to me. His eyes lit up in surprise as they suddenly vanished.

“Sleep well,” he said, his voice warm and rich.

“You too, Azriel.” His name. Saying it was so natural and yet so foreign. So right and so delicate.

 _Azriel_.

I turned to head towards the door when his voice piped up again.

“Can I see you tomorrow?”

My heart fluttered and my neck burned.

“I didn’t bore you then?”

His smile was real--much like one he’d given me five hundred years ago.

Azriel.

 _Azriel_.

“You intrigued me enough that I want to know more.”

I blushed.

Apparently five hundred years had done much for him--he apparently knew how to woo women.

“Fine,” I said, lightheaded as he sighed in relief. “I have work tomorrow in the morning. I’ll find you after.”

He nodded, his hand slipping out of his pocket to wave goodbye.

“Goodnight, Kyra.”

“Night, Azriel.”


	15. Night

**AZRIEL**

 

“And he returns,” Mor announced loudly as I slipped into the room where Rhys, Cassian, Feyre, and Elain had gathered. Nesta wasn’t in sight.

I rolled my eyes and sat down on the couch next to Cassian.

A mistake on my part.

“How was it, _little_ brother?”

I snorted, and stood. “I’m leaving.”

“Don’t,” Cassian whined, his pupils dilating in a plea.

Rhysand raised a brow and I sighed, heading over the counter to pour myself some of the amber liquid.

“Azzie talked to a _girl_ today,” Cassian crooned.

Rhys chuckled darkly. “Did he, now?”

“After she glared at Cassian,” Mor said cheerfully and Rhys choked on his drink.

Feyre’s laugh filled the room.

Cassian howled, grumbling about this and that, but all I could hear was her voice--soft and yet full of life. Life that had seemed suppressed.

She was stunning and those smiles… I hadn’t felt so flustered in years. She had endured much… and… and the Night Court. She had been from my own court. And I wanted to know more.

I wanted to talk more.

Laughter still rumbled among my family, but there was a barrier. Between me and them. There had been for a while now. And she… _Kyra_ , had seemed to see all of it in me.

I blended back into the group, smiling as if I meant it, but… even as Elain and the others spoke to me all I could see were those eyes--golden as the sun. They didn’t leave me even as I opened my eyes after a nightmare and looked at the ceiling---and saw not a wall, but the night sky beyond.


	16. Summer

**KYRA**

 

I wasn’t sure how I had expected to spend my next morning, but it certainly wasn’t with Tarquin and Varian, roving over security for the Summer Solstice patrols.

“We can supply more guards here,” I said, drawing my finger across a map of the city.

“Then that’s final,” Tarquin said, brushing away a strand of white hair.

“And the wards?”

“I want you to take them down and rebuild them.”

“Done.”

“Anything to add, Varian?”

Varian sighed, his armored boots on the table. “Not particularly.”

I ran a hand through my hair. “I hope I’m not on guard duty tonight.”

Tarquin slid me a sly smile. “No, but I would like you to be wary.”

“I’m always wary,” I groaned, rubbing at the headache in my temple.

“Rough night?” Varian crooned.

I glared at him. “Big words coming from the warrior who’s sharing a bed with a women ten thousand times more powerful than him.”

Varian took the jab as a win, grinning wildly.

“Knock it off, you two,” Tarquin said, even as amusement lined his features.

Varian chuckled, coming up to me to kiss my forehead. I hugged him back, nodding as he said, “You owe me a dance tonight,” and disappeared out of the door.

Tarquin stared after his cousin before turning back to me. The High Lord was clad in dark blue, with accents of silver. He was handsome today more than ever with the smile of celebrations to come.

“You owe me a dance as well,” Tarquin said, his voice all High Lordy.

I tipped my head. “If I get a raise.”

He laughed. “I don’t even pay you.”

“That’s because I volunteer.”

“Exactly.”

“I might start demanding fees if my job includes dancing.”

He smiled and I knew--he’d asked several times to pay me but I had refused time and time again. Not for any particular reason. I didn’t need the money. Instead he used the money saved from paying me to train young girls and boys in Adriata, as I had asked on my first day in the castle.

“What will you be wearing tonight?” he asked, looking over my clothes.

My pants were loose and dark, and my shirt was cut just above my stomach and matched the colors of my pants. Plain, simple. The sword at my side appeared the same.

But if I drew the sheath… a gold-hilted sword with a blade of pure black metal--so sharp that the edges were near-translucent and purplish-white.

“You’ll just have to wait and see,” I said, smiling as I remembered the dress in my closet. I’d never worn it before and it had been waiting for me to pick it up for centuries. It was beyond beautiful, crafted of the stars above.

“I guess I will,” Tarquin sighed, looking over the map, covered in coral paperweights.

I kissed his forehead as I slipped out of the room.

Tarquin and Varian… they were like brothers to me. Before Tarquin had learned about the power in my body, he’d been purely a friend--a drinking buddy and a busybody that showed up at my house in the middle of the night. His becoming High Lord changed much, but it never changed our relationship. Even if… even if he had once wanted more than a friendship. And I, still reeling over my loss, had refused. That had always lingered between us, a strange sort of boundary that we never brought up. And as I’d grown closer and explained that well of power in me, I’d begun assisting him with his troops and giving him advice on court matters.

I walked down the hallways I knew so well, into the guards quarters and the armory beyond.

Clashing rang out from nearby and I smiled to guards I recognized, many of them sweating from the sparring rings where they practiced.

A familiar face loomed in the armory and I smiled as I threw my arms around Emry.

“Good morning,” I said, kissing his cheek. “Thank you for the blanket,” I said, remembering how I’d woken warm in a blanket.

“Of course,” he said, patting my head. “Feeling better?”

“Hardly,” I groaned.

“It’s just a hangover,” he smirked. “Nothing you can’t handle.”

“You have unfair expectations of me,” I said through gritted teeth.

He laughed as he picked up a sword and placed it into the sheath at his side.

“Where are we meeting tonight?”

 _Right_ . _Solstice._ Emry. Kai. Mira.

I’d promised Azriel I would meet him… I’d figure that out later.

“Your house?”

I nodded. “Right.”

“Go practice with the guards. It’ll help wear off the headache.”

I didn’t dare argue that it likely _wouldn’t_ and tossed off my shirt--leaving only a band around my breasts.

No one so much as blinked--I always sparred this way, pants and a band across my breasts.

I began unbuckling the sword at my side as I ventured out of the armory and towards the sparring rings. A crowd had gathered around one of the rings, and a bleeding guard limped by me as he squeezed out of the circle.

“What the hell is going on?” I snapped.

The guards around me blinked in surprise and one of them leaned in. “The Illyrian is training.”

_Good lord._

“Get to work,” I said loudly enough that the crowd dissipated, leaving a big hulking Illyrian and a half-squashed guard underneath.

Cassian--the General--looked at me with genuine surprise.

“You’re distracting my guards,” I said, “and squashing them like grapes.”

The guard underneath him blanched.

“ _Your_ guards?”

“Get up,” I sighed to the male underneath Cassian. He scrambled to his feet somehow. “I need all of you in shape for the Solstice tonight.”

“Yes, Captain.”

He scuttled off to the infirmary, blood trailing after him.

“Captain?” Cassian said, a brow raised.

Luckily, the Shadowsinger was nowhere to be seen.

“Captain of the Guard,” I said, tapping the white line around the ring, “whenever I can afford the time for it.”

“That seems highly unorganized.”

I smiled at the General.

“Care to spar?”

Cassian’s mouth split into a wild grin.


	17. Sparring

**AZRIEL**

 

She was pummeling him. Absolutely and completely dominating him in the ring.

I watched from a distance, surprised to see her not only in the castle, but sparring in a ring with _Cassian_ . And making him _fight_ for it.

I’d noticed the other troops watching them, watching her, their _Captain of the Guard_.

Cauldron.

I chose not to sort through the mess of things and instead watched as in two more minutes she disarmed Cassian, and in another, had him in a death grip.

“Impressive,” Rhys said from beside me.

More than impressive. We both knew it.

The two of them were panting in the ring, Cassian smiling at her with admiration as he shook her hand.

I tried not to stare at her body--at the muscle and the sweat gilding her bare stomach.

Cassian noticed us and waved, and Kyra turned to see where he was waving.

Her face went white even as I offered a friendly smile and strode over.

“We meet again,” I said with a half-smile.

She smiled back, her eyes lighting up. “Good morning.”

Rhys held out a hand to her. “Rhysand.”

She shook it and bowed her head--as much as she’d show to the leader of her former court.

“Kyra.”

“Tarquin never mentioned he’d hired a new Captain of the Guard.”

She snorted, wiping a beautiful blade and slipping it into its sheath. “ _Temporary_ Captain of the Guard.”

Rhys raised a brow. “Oh?”

She shrugged. “Tarquin and I have been close friends for many years. I owed him a favor for letting me stay in Adriata so I promised to help out with the troops when I could.”

Rhys nodded, this clearly being the first time he’d met Tarquin’s _close_ friend.

Were they… together? Tarquin and her?

As if I summoned him, the High Lord appeared, hair tied up, pieces of gold bands in his hair. He pulled Kyra to his side and kissed her hair.

So they _were_ together. Or were they not?

I didn’t fail to notice the heaviness in my chest or the way my shadows curled away.

Why in the world did _this_ affect me? I barely even knew her.

“I presume you’ve met my Captain?” Tarquin asked. There was nothing but glowing admiration and a glimmer of more in his eyes. There was definitely interest on his part. And who could refuse a High Lord? Certainly more worthy than a bastard spy.

But there wasn’t much in her eyes as she slipped out of his embrace. “ _Temporary_.”

He sighed, his frown playful as Kyra slipped on her shirt and gathered up her things. She shook Cassian’s hand, with a “Good match,” and then patted me on the shoulder.

The touch burned through the fabric of my shirt even though it was brief. It made my heart race. Something… something about this whole thing was strange. About the way my heart raced and my shadows whispered to her. About the way just a touch made me dizzy. And… I had no idea why.

“I’ll see you tonight,” she said softly with a tired smile.

I nodded, my chest tightening for a reason I couldn’t place. “Where should I meet you?”

She bit her lip. “Either before the Solstice celebrations, or if you want to join me for them, I have three friends trailing along but I won’t force you into it.”

“Solstice, if that works.”

“If you remember where my home is, we’re meeting there at seven.” I nodded and she smiled and slipped away.

Cassian sauntered over to me and I cringed as he smacked down a hand on my shoulder.

“What was _that_ about.”

I scowled at him. “ _Plans_.”

Rhys and Tarquin chatted in the distance.

“For tonight?”

“You’re prying too much,” I grumbled, pushing him playfully. Nevermind that my Illyrian instincts wanted me to tackle him.

Cassian looked after where Kyra had disappeared. “I like her.” The words were purely out of admiration and nothing more. “If you don't wear something nice tonight I’ll beat your ass.”

I rolled my eyes. “Fair enough.” I couldn’t help but laugh a little at the expression of victory on his face.

“Want to spar?” he asked, as if the last match hadn’t pummeled him into a miserable pulp.

But… I needed to work off the feeling thrumming through me. Excitement and confusion. The most happy I had felt about something until the point of confusion. I couldn’t remember feeling such an emotion in such a long time, not since an angel clad in white had slipped into my cell five hundred years ago. She would want me to be happy, wouldn’t she?

I ran my fingers over the tattoo on the back of my neck and smiled.

“Let’s spar.”

Maybe it was Cassian’s limp or my determination, but I won.


	18. Friends

**KYRA**

 

I stood in front of the mirror and sighed. Was the dress to much?

I spun around, the thin golden fabric swishing on the floor.

The dress was stunning--there was no doubt about that. The golden fabric touched the ground, a slit for my leg allowing it to pool around me naturally. The sleeves were long and tight and the dress dipped low in the back.

I kept my hair down, letting it cascade down my shoulders and back and mask the tattoo at the base of my neck, and put on golden earrings. I painted my lips red and lined my eyes with black kohl. I slipped on my slippers as a knock sounded at the door.

I walked down the stairs as best as I could without falling--all these years and I could still hardly stand heels--and opened the door to find Mira gaping.

“You look amazing.”

I stared back at her. “So do you!”

Indeed, the female had on a sea-green dress that shimmered between shades of green and blue as she moved. Her blonde hair was swept up and glimmered under the golden faelights floating on the street.

“Are the males here?” I asked, peeking around her.

“Not yet,” she said, just as I noted an empty space behind her, “too busy dressing up.”

“Of course they are. Oh… also--I have a guest coming with us, if that’s alright,” I hummed as she followed me into the living room.

“Oh?”

“A _male_ ,” I said with a wink.

She practically tripped. Her eyes went wide. “Who?”

“You’ll have to wait and see,” I said with another wink.

“ _Asshole_ ,” she groaned, flopping onto the couch. “He better be handsome.”

“He certainly is,” I said with a smile.

And he _was_ . Far more than any male I had ever met. Far more than anybody should be. The fact that he’d even been willing to talk to _me_ … I was likely in a position many women would kill for. I certainly didn’t deserve it. But no more of that self-loathing bullshit tonight.

Tonight would be fun.

“You do know that any male you bring in here Emry’s going to stare down, right?”

I sighed. The male’s feelings were obvious for me. But… he was like a brother. And nothing more to me.

“Then we’ll be in for a long night of territorial nonsense.”

“I suppose we will,” she said, rubbing her brow.

A soft knock sounded--nothing like the banging ruckus Emry and Kai always made.

“That him?” Mira asked, her eyes bright.

My heart twisted in my chest.

“Mira…”

“Yes…?”

“You know that male I told you about? All those years ago that I fell for? In the prison?”

She sat up. “Of course I do.”

I squeezed my fingers, nervous beyond explanation. “He doesn’t know it, but I found him,” I whispered.

I heard her spit out her drink as I laid my hand on the knob, nervous to open the door. Butterflies flew in my stomach as I opened the door…

And he stood there.

Handsome. More so than I ever remembered.

His wings were tucked behind his figure, tall and handsome. He’d put on a white shirt and thrown on black pants. Simple and yet elegant. His dagger was strapped at his side as it always was, gleaming and elegant, like his face and the tattoos peeking out from his unbuttoned shirt.

He looked me over, his eyes glazed as he smiled at me. No shadows were wreathing his body. Just him… not an ounce of him hidden--not even those beautiful hands.

“You look beautiful.”

I blushed and held the door open wider for him. “And you look… stunning,” I managed, relieved as he nervously ran a hand down the back of his neck and turned red.

I could practically feel Mira gaping behind me. I turned and she wasn’t staring at me, but at him. Surprise not only at the Shadowsinger in my house… but at what I’d told her moments ago.

Who he was to me.

“Azriel meet Mira. Mira meet Azriel.” The Shadowsinger held out his hand and Mira shook it, half-paralyzed.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” he said, a warm smile on his face.

Light. He was lighter today. More than he had seemed yesterday, walking through the crowd of admirers. He was _relaxed_.

“Likewise.” Mira managed to finally smile, and quickly excused herself to get a drink.

Azriel stepped into the room, spinning around as he looked over it.

“Your house is beautiful,” he said, his gaze lingering on the ocean beyond the glass wall, and the starry sky above the ocean.

“It was a gift from Tarquin. I mean--I bought it, but he offered me this one.”

Azriel turned to me, his eyes burning with a question.

“What is it?” I asked, a crooked smile on my face.

He ran a hand through his hair. “Are you and Tarquin…”

“No,” I laughed. “He and I… we’re just friends.”

He nodded, his shoulders drooping in a semblance of relief… I wasn’t sure what to make of it, but luckily I didn’t have to as several resounding knocks--more like pouding--sounded through the door.

Mira poked her head around the corner.

“I’ll get it,” she said, her voice somewhat back to normal from the awed pitch it had been before.

“ _Those two_ ,” I said pointing to the door, “are the remaining members of my little cadre. They’re arrogant and a waste of space so feel free to ignore them.”

Mira chucked. “That they are indeed.”

Azriel stood beside me as the door opened revealing the two males--completely overdressed.

“You two are finally done primping,” I said loudly as they entered the room, both of them going stiff as they entered the room and noticed the Illyrian warrior by my side.

“This is Azriel,” I said, smiling up at the male. His eyes, however, were locked with the two males. “He’s joining us tonight. And Azriel, this is Emry.” I pointed to the male. “And that is Kai.”

Luckily Azriel broke the stupid territorial stare the two males were giving him and looked at me. He looked nearly helpless. So… human.

“Come _on_ ,” Mira exclaimed, drawing everyone’s attention. “Can we go already?”

“ _Yes please_ ,” I muttered, joining her at the door.

Azriel only nodded at the two males before joining me.

We slipped out into the night.


	19. Dances

**AZRIEL**

 

She was stunning. So much more than I could put into words. And I couldn’t take my eyes off of her as she walked just ahead of me, her unfairly beautiful dress flowing behind her, the same color as her eyes and the stars above.

I tried to keep my face neutral, even as I remembered the males at my side, staring at me as though they’d eat me. I gave them a look.

 _Try if you want_ , it said.

They didn’t.

The Illyrian in me smiled internally.

Eventually though, after ten minutes of walking, the brown-haired male, Kai, began making conversation. He was intelligent and kind, his looks not at all rude. The other male, however, spent most of his time glaring. It was obvious why--I’d seen the way he’d looked at Kyra. But once again, she hadn’t looked at him the same way.

“It’s a miracle Kyra even managed to talk to a male,” Kai snorted, looking ahead at the two females who were chattering loudly.

_Oh?_

Kai recognized the question in my eyes.

“She hasn’t been all that interested in males. At least not since she--”

“It doesn’t matter,” Emry said roughly, his shoulders finally drooping after minutes of territoriality. As if he realized he couldn’t keep it up all night.

_But what had Kai been about to say?_

“So what do you two do for a living?” I asked, making simple conversation.

“I’m a city guard,” Emry said, biting his cheek.

His eyes were still on the golden female before us.

“And I own a small shop in Adriata,” Kai said, looking forward.

Forward, at where a crowd had gathered. It was a small and private city square--away from the violent crowds. People danced barefoot over the cobblestone roads--others seated on iron chairs in and outside restaurants. Lanterns hung above the square and the sweet sound of music played on the wind. Chatter filled the air, soft and intimate, in time with the ocean nearby. The smell of food and ocean filled the air, as the stars shone above.

I caught a familiar figure in the center of the crowd.

 _Mor_.

I sighed as I noticed the rest of the Night Court mingling with the crowd. Not that I didn’t want to see them, it was just… I wanted time alone, with _her._ Away from my family.

Maybe I’d ask her to walk with me later.

Kyra was already pulling off her shoes with Mira, the two of them grinning eagerly. The former turned to spot me and waved me over.

I made it halfway to her before Elain intercepted me.

“Azriel,” she said, smiling up at me.

She’d curled her brown hair, a dress of pale pink sliding over her body.

“Where did you go? I thought we were all leaving together.”

“Oh, I had plans with a friend,” I said, calling over Kyra. She came to my side, beaming at Feyre’s sister.

“You must be Elain.”

Elain watched her strangely, but smiled and shook her hand. “I am. And you are…?”

“Kyra,” she responded. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Elain smiled and then turned to me, her face pink. “Would you like to dance?”

I nearly protested, looking at the woman clad in gold I wanted to dance with so badly. But Kyra nodded tightly and spiraled away, running into Cassian, with whom she began a conversation. The General made no motion to hide the long look at her dress--or the curves beneath it.

I shook off the tension clawing at me and plastered my kindest smile. Even if… all I could do was look back at her.

I danced with Elain until the partners switched and I danced with Mor, and then they switched again and I watched from the corner of my eye as Kyra danced with Emry.

My instincts gnawed at me, glaring at the male who held her.

But two more switches and… she swirled into my arms.

I wasn’t sure if I had imagined it, but her eyes lit up as I caught her. Her warm hands rested around my neck and mine around her waist. The bare skin of her back brushed against my knuckles, warm and soft.

I felt the heat pooling at my core and knew I wouldn't be able to hold back forever. This was different from what it had been with any other female I had courted. Something about her body responded naturally to mine, and mine in turn to hers. She was beautiful and kind, and something about her made my blood sing.

A finger of hers brushed the back of my neck and I felt my body go taut and loose all at once.

“You look stunning,” I whispered to her brow.

She broke into a smile bright enough to challenge the sun as she swayed with me.

“Thank you,” she said, her cheeks flushed. Her eyes traveled to the exposed bit of skin on my collarbones, and skimmed over the tattoos that lay there. “You’re stunning,” she said, the words shy but truthful and… and I nearly melted there in her arms.

Beyond words, I swayed with her, holding her body to mine, laughing when she tripped over my boot. She smiled back, the image more beautiful than anything I had ever seen.

It was only then, minutes into our swaying, that I’d noticed we had forgotten to switch partners. Had forgotten, for quite some time.

She slid a hand down from the back of my neck to rest on my chest, her face gleaming with beauty. I knew she could feel the thundering heartbeat below. The music ended, slipping into a faster tune. And she slid away as we changed partners, her eyes meeting mine in bright laughter as we separated and swung by one another time and time again. Her eyes never left me.

But… as soon as her hands had left mine, my body had gone silent. Silent in a way I had never felt before. My body tingled, swayed, and crumbled, being remade anew. Leaving space for a small spot in my heart. Where a thread snapped, cleaving through my soul… to her.

I froze as it sounded through my mind and soul, as I realized what it meant, what _she_ meant

My shadows sang.

_Mate._


	20. Moonlight

**KYRA**

 

He was more… more than I deserved. More than I could possibly be allowed to meet. He was… everything and more than I’d hope for years ago.

Not only had he survived the prison, he’d grown into the most handsome male I’d laid my eyes on, his personality soft and sweet, even if there was sadness somewhere in there.

I watched him swing away, his eyes never leaving mine as we laughed and laughed and danced and broke apart.

But something deeper had entered his face, more tender than I’d ever seen. Even five hundred years ago, holding him to me and exploring those lips.

He’d broke my gaze first, and then he’d looked back at me differently. But not in a bad way--in a way that made my skin burn.

I slipped back into his arms as the music died down, slowing.

“You okay?” I asked, brushing a strand of hair from his forehead.

“More than okay,” he said, the words breathless.

I dared to lay a hand on his cheek, his skin warm. He leaned into my hand, the expression in his eyes soft and indescribable.

“Walk with me?” I asked, looking over to the rocky path down to the ocean.

He nodded, taking my hand and gently pulling me out of the crowd. I nearly barked in protest as his body left mine. But he didn’t let go of my hand, even as Elain walked back up to us and I saw it.

How she looked at him.

I fought the ache in my chest as she said to Azriel, “I need to speak with you.” There was concern on her face and Azriel sighed, brushing away the hair sticking to his forehead.

“I’ll be back,” he said, letting go of my hand.

The two of them disappeared around a corner. I waited patiently and jumped out of my skin as a hand tapped my back.

I swung around, freezing as I met solid grey eyes.

 _Amren._ I knew of her. Cauldron, everybody did. But if she was as powerful as they claimed, could she sense--

“ _What_ are you?” she hissed, her eyes dilating. Her nostrils smelled me. “You should be dead.”

“It’s nice to meet you too,” I said, breathless, trying to reign in my fear at what she might have detected.

Thankfully, Varian stepped in, introducing us. “Amren, this is an old friend of mine, Kyra.”

Amen tilted her head. “Do you know what’s inside of you, girl?”

I blanched. _Did she know what they had done?_

I didn’t want to know, but part of me--

“Yes she does. And so do I, as a matter of a fact. Let’s leave it there,” Varian said roughly. Amren glared at him but nodded. Varian led her away, throwing me a look that said _Sorry_.

A moment later, a familiar warmth enveloped me.

“Hey,” Azriel murmured, placing a hand on my shoulder.

I turned to him, noticing Elain at a distance, her nose pink.

“What happened?” I asked as he walked next to me, towards the stone path.

“Nothing,” he said, his voice as tense as his body.

I took his hand and he relaxed a bit, throwing me a grateful smile as we walked away from the crowd and to the silent beach beyond.

The moonlight was nearly hidden behind fluffy grey clouds, but the sky was a soft shade of navy. The black water lapped along the shore. No one walked here and the sound of music and laughter was far in the distance.

“Thank you for coming tonight,” I said at last, my dress billowing around me in the wind.

He stared at me for a long time. “Thank you for inviting me,” he said, his voice tender.

“Sit with me?” I asked softly, pointing to an overhanging rock, feet away from the lapping water. It formed a small cave.

He nodded and sat down. I sat by his side.

“Was this your first Summer Solstice in the Summer Court?” I asked, looking up at him.

He sat on my right, the moon escaping from the clouds to shine on the water and his midnight hair. His Siphons filled the cave with a blue light. He looked ahead, his hazel eyes on the sky and the horizon. I studied the tattoo on the back of his neck--the Illyrian wings.

He turned to me and blinked, as if seeing me for the first time. “No, but… I never remembered it being quite so lovely.”

I broke his gaze, looking down nervously, even as my body begged me to turn and touch him.

“What is the Winter Solstice like--in Velaris?”

His shifted beside me. “I suppose you’ll have to come to Velaris and see yourself,” he said, his voice laced with mischief.

I shoved him playfully and he grinned at me, finally returning to normal--but still slightly different than before.

But the invitation in what he said… was there an invitation? To see the beautiful night with him?

I shuddered as a wind caught in the half-cave, swirling my hair and flitting away. Warmth wrapped around me, and I looked suddenly to my left, where his wing had wrapped around me, shielding me from the cold.

“Thank you,” I said, smiling to myself as I leaned closer to him. His arm slid around my shoulder holding me to his warmth. I leaned into it, pressing against his side. I could feel the warm muscle below shift as our bodies made contact.

We sat together for some time without speaking, staring at the ocean and the stars beyond, until he shifted, wrapping another arm around me.

“Will I be able to see you again?” he whispered into my hair.

I leaned against his chest, savoring the strength there. “The night isn’t over. But you can see me tomorrow and the day after if you want. And even after that.”

His body relaxed against mine.

“You know,” he started suddenly, his voice rumbling at my back, “it’s been years since I’ve been able to hold someone without shadows protecting me?”

I squeezed his forearm and kissed the scars on his hands. He went still, and I smiled as he squeezed me tight in thanks.

“Where do you think the fear comes from?” I asked carefully.

“From loving people and losing them,” he said. “For trusting others and being hurt by them.”

That he’d opened up that much, to reveal what _he_ feared the most… I felt tears burning in my vision.

“I knew a woman once,” he began, his voice heavy, “who cared for me without a motive. Who never hurt me, who loved me even when I failed her. I lost her… and since then I haven’t been able to open up.”

My body froze, the tears finally breaking free.

“You… you remind me of her. Of someone who loves just for the sake of loving--without hoping to gain anything in return.”

“She would want you to be happy, to keep trying to open up,” I offered.

It was true. Even if we had never met again and he’d fallen in love with someone else… I would be happy. For him.

“I know,” he whispered. “But it still hurts.”

I pressed closer to him. I knew I should tell him… but I wasn’t the same person as I had been before was I? They changed me--mentally and physically. The only thing that remained the same was my love for him.

I laced my fingers with his and kissed each of his knuckles. He shuddered behind me, his chest rising and falling softly.

“Do want to know what I thought when I first saw you?” I asked softly.

“Yes,” he said quickly.

“Not only were you the most handsome male I’d ever seen, but that despite all the beauty there was sadness in there. Sadness I felt in my own heart. I lost someone I loved many years ago… and I haven’t been able to love since. But I saw you and… and I knew I wanted to talk to you. Some part of me told me that I could trust you.”

He kissed the top of my head and I held him closer as I felt a tear fall onto the top of my head.

“I want to know more about you,” he whispered.

“It’s a long story,” I said looking up at the face, where silver lined his eyes. The sight of it broke me and I leaned up to kiss his cheek.

He leaned into the kiss and I pulled away, turning fully to him, his eyes wet and his wings drooped. I took both of his hands in mine.

“I was born in a little village,” I began. “And from there I left my home…” His eyes met mine as I told the story of my home, of everything--but not of the male I’d loved. That would come another day.


	21. Decisions

**KYRA**

 

I only knew I was home because of the silence.

I slowly opened my eyes and slid off of the sofa, where a fur blanket had been draped over me. Nearby, the fireplace crackled, keeping me warm.

We’d talked--all night. Talked and talked until exhaustion overtook me and my words became slurred and my memory fuzzy… and he held me while I slept. And somehow, I was home.

Warm. Safe. Happy.

More than happy.

I slipped on my daily clothes and made a quick breakfast, dousing the fire as I slipped out into the bright city.

Adriata was warm in the summer light, sun shining through little tufts of clouds to claim the city. The ocean waters were warm, swarming with people in the public sections of the beach. Beneath the thin, turquoise water sprouted miles of colored coral--bright pinks and blues and deep purples, reds, oranges, and yellows. Tropical fish swam through the water, visible even from a distance.

I smiled as I slipped into the bakery and found Mira covered in flour, making pastries as children watched from the other side of the glass in awe.

“Good morning,” I said, waving.

One of the children broke off and wobbled over to me. I crouched down, squeezing her in a hug.

“Hi Kora,” I said, poking the little girl’s dark nose. Her blue eyes brightened and she tottered away to join her family. I waved to them and they waved back from where they sat at a table in the corner.

“It’s full today,” I said as I slipped next to Mira and tied on an apron.

She didn’t look up, even as flour sprayed her face. “It is indeed.”

“How was your night?” I asked, smirking at her as I tied up my hair.

“How was _yours_?”

I didn’t need to look at her to know exactly what expression she wore.

“ _Nothing_ happened.”

“I refuse to believe that.”

I sighed loudly and went to laying out the pastry strips. “I’m being completely honest. Why would I hide anything from you?”

“You _did_ hide the whole Shadowsinger-coming-over-on-Solstice-night thing.”

I groaned and she laughed. “Did nothing really happen?”

“We _talked_ ,” I said tauntingly. “And it was perfectly nice. How were things with Kai?”

I heard her drop a knife. She paused for a long minute.

“I don’t know _how_ to tell him how I feel, really.”

“Hmm?” I began cutting the fruits and sprinkling sugar over them. The entire room was filled with the sweet smell of sugar and honey. “You do know that he’s smitten with you, right?”

“I _know_ but it’s still hard to tell him when I mean to. I just… _freeze_ and panic if he shows even a bit of affection.”

“You guys have been friends for… how long?”

“I know but--”

“I know what you mean,” I said with a soft exhale. “Try tonight.”

“Oh I forgot about that.”

“I forgot about it last year and since then, I’ve been prepared.”

Because tonight was the annual party-at-my-house thing that Tarquin had started over three hundred years ago. Each night after the Solstice celebrations, my house would be opened to all. My living room would be filled with familiar friends and the High Lord himself. And the glass walls would pull apart to the string lantern-covered patio with a small bonfire. There people would laugh and drink. And beyond, down the fire-lined cobblestone steps, would be a massive private beach filled with more and more friends. And somehow--at the end of it--it always ended in people skinny-dipping… and a massive mess.

“Are you planning to invite you-know-who?”

I bit my lip and focused on getting the pastries into the oven. “I’ve thought about it.”

“Then do it. You’re on good terms.”

“It’s still strange with Emry and Kai and everything. I don’t want to make them uncomfortable.”

“For all I care, Emry can join Kai and I when we become a thing tonight. You need to focus on _you_. And I’ve seen the way you look at the Shadowsinger. If anything, you being with him means there’s another pretty face around for me to admire.”

I chuckled. “Don’t get too attached.”

“Don’t tell me that means you’re giving up.”

I grinned. “It means that you can have Kai but the Shadowsinger is mine.”


	22. Mates

**AZRIEL**

 

 _Mate_.

The word was still new on my tongue and every moment was a struggle not to tell her. I mean--how could I force it upon her? _She_ clearly didn’t feel it.

I flipped over in my bed and sighed, picking at the blanket.

The sun had risen--far into the sky. And yet, I hadn’t been able to move. Hadn’t been able to do much but _think_ . About _her_ . About the stunning High Fae who was my mate. Who not only was chosen by the Cauldron to be with me, but looked at me with some semblance of emotion. Like she… like she _wanted_ me.

No.

I wouldn’t imagine it.

But I could have sworn… when she’d kissed my hands and my cheek… I--

_No._

There was no need to push my luck. And if anything--I had something bigger to face.

The fact that I was even thinking about these things meant that she meant something to me. That I… liked her. More than I dared to admit. Because if I accepted my feelings and she felt otherwise… I didn’t think I could bear the pain of it.

She had been so beautiful last tonight.

Golden. She was the sunlight to my shadows. She had danced and danced with me and holding her like that while we danced…  Cauldron. I’d wanted to kiss her. So badly. But I couldn’t admit what I was feeling.

And then Elain… she had told me how _she_ felt, as if she knew her time was short, as if she could see me falling for Kyra. And I had told her that I… that I cared for another. And I didn’t mean Mor because Mor was like a sister to me the more I thought about it and Kyra made me feel _alive_.

Like my blood was singing and I was young again. So much younger with so much fire in me. Like I could love and love and never burn out.

And those golden eyes…

I frowned as I sensed the knock before it came at my door.

“Az?”

 _Mor_.

“Coming,” I grumbled, pulling out of the sheets and throwing on a shirt.

I opened the door to find Mor fully dressed as if she were going out into the city.

…Or had already been, judging the evening light that flooded through the palace halls.

“You _just_ woke up?” Mor hissed, pulling me into the hallway.

“And?”

My patience was thin--and I had no idea why. And no idea how Rhys had survived months of knowing his mate and not holding her. Of watching another male love her.

I gritted my teeth. I supposed I had less restraint than my High Lord.

But Mor didn’t seem to notice the bitterness that I’d let slip and instead went on and on and on about the city sights and why I should have been there to witness it.

“I’m sorry. I was exhausted,” I said at last when she tapped her foot and glared at me.

I turned to go back into my room--to dream of those eyes and lips--when she grabbed my wrist.

“What _is_ it with you?”

“I don’t understand,” I gritted out.

Short. My temper was on a short leash today.

“What is wrong with you?”

“ _Nothing_ is wrong with me,” I snapped back. Tired of this, tired of always having to be okay. Always having to maintain a routine and spy and not get time to just _think_.

Mor sighed and crossed her arms. “Well when you’re done being a pissy Illyrian--”

I bared my teeth at her.

“--you can come with us to Kyra’s house.”

The word washed over me, calming me and exciting my bones all at once.

“Her house?”

“Apparently Tarquin always throws this big party thing the night after the Solstice in her house. At sunset. She invited us.” She paused. “And you.”

_Kyra._

“Okay,” I said as normally as I could, trying to hide the way my body sang out at the mention of that beautiful woman.

Mor stared at me for a long moment before she snapped, “Don’t be late,” and was gone down the hallway.

I slipped back into my room and glanced around at the bed, piled in cerulean blankets, and the view from the window beyond.

The sky was already purpling with the first signs of night.

 _Soon_. I would see my mate soon.

=

The street was busy as the sun began its departure towards the ocean, leaving the sky filled with a flare of brilliant colors.

I followed the crowd of people, winding up the street to where I knew her house lay. I’d walked her here the other night I’d met her. I’d been in her house the night we had danced and danced and that glorious bond had snapped into place.

I could feel it tugging me now, pulling me towards her.

As I neared the house, I heard the music. Bright, joyous music that rang along the street. Her front door was open, revealing a large crowd of people gathered in the entrance and living room--and beyond, past the now-open glass doors at the opposite end of the room.

I slipped in, first noticing Kai. The blue-eyed male was talking to Mira, the two of them laughing in a way that suggested it wasn’t a moment to interrupt. But they noticed me and waved me over anyways.

“Welcome,” Kai said, his eyes bright. He lifted his glass in greeting as I approached.

“Hey. How are you?”

“Well.” Kai gave me a knowing smile. “She’s down by the water.”

I gave the male a curt nod, looking to where he’d pointed: the open glass wall where a breeze fluttered in. I thanked them and was halfway there when a familiar male appeared.

“Azriel.”

I bowed my head to the High Lord of Summer.

“Tarquin.”

The turquoise-eyed male looked at me, his eyes unreadable even to my shadows. But he said, his voice slurred likely from drinking, “Rhys was looking for you earlier.”

“Oh?”

“Yes. He’s down by the water with a majority of your Court.”

I nodded, walking down with the High Lord, making small talk. We walked down the cobblestone steps, cool air kissing my wings. Blacks sand crunched under my boots as we approached a bonfire, where several Fae had gathered around.

“And he returns, _once again_ ,” Cassian crooned as I approached. I shot him a glare. Pissy… I was in a real pissy mood to let my temper slip this much.

I tried not to make it obvious I was looking for her, even as I let my shadows scan the area.

“Varian here was just saying that we should consider buying a summer home in Adriata.”

Feyre chuckled. “I wouldn’t mind at all. The city is lovely, Tarquin.”

The High Lord beside me beamed, proud of his city.

“I think I’d get sick of eating so much seafood,” Cassian grumbled.

I caught Mor’s eye across the fire.

She was still irritated it seemed from our earlier squabble. Her eyes looked to mine, then away in an instant. I knew Feyre noted the movement by the way she stared at me. I sent her a Look.

“So Azriel, where have you been all morning?” Rhys asked, making conversation.

I sighed and settled down next to Cassian. “Sleeping.”

Tarquin chuckled, his laugh blending in with the cries of laughter coming from the sea, where Fae swam and mingled.

“You lot are leaving soon, aren’t you?” Tarquin asked Rhys.

“Unfortunately, we have to cut our visit short. We are leaving tomorrow night.”

My eyes shot to my High Lord.

_When had that been decided?_

Rhys’s eyes met mine. _We’re having some issues with the Illyrians up north. I have a meeting with Devlon_.

He picked up the thought in my head. _Can’t you postpone it?_

_Devlon doesn’t appreciate the little summer vacation we’re having here. He’s been quite demanding and I have no plans to push him. I need you to scout out the camp for me tomorrow at noon._

I turned away as his voice swirled in my head. _Tomorrow._ I was leaving tomorrow at noon. And Kyra… would I see her again?

As if I’d summoned her she came up to us from the water, her bare legs covered in sand. Her dark hair was wet and messy, and her shirt was wet--doing absolutely nothing to hide the contours of her body beneath. She had no pants on, which meant… she’d gone skinny dipping with everyone else.

My instincts surged up even as I snapped my eyes away out of respect, but… that body. It was… beautiful.

But the admiration was cut off as a familiar figure pulled up to her side, also covered in seawater.

Emry.

The Illyrian inside of me snarled and writhed at the male who was standing so close to her, not doing anything to hide the long stares down her body--at her breasts and the long, bare legs below.

I felt heat settle at my core and stood abruptly.

How the _hell_ did Rhys do this? How did he live through knowing his mate was sharing another’s bed? In love with another?

I could barely stand looking at her without wanting her, and could barely stand still while another male looked at her like that. My instincts roared at me to shred him apart.

But… I was a good male. And I knew I wouldn’t last much longer around her or Emry and so I casually slipped out.

Mor, however, noticed me.

She grabbed my arm and pulled me aside, to a large rock jutting out of the shallow water.

“What _is it_?” she snarled.

I let my body go slack. I didn’t need another argument. I… just needed Kyra. I needed to talk to her, to hold her as she had let me that last night.

Mor’s eyes softened. “It’s her, isn’t it?”

I let my eyes drop, giving her answer enough.

“Why aren’t you talking to her then?”

I didn’t reply.

“ _Azriel_ ,” she snapped.

I felt the pain build up in me every damn second. “I _can’t_ . I can’t do it. Because she is beautiful and kind and I’m a damned Illyrian bastard. I’m not even worthy of someone so kind,” I said roughly, my chest heaving. “I am _no one_ , Mor. I’m a cold-hearted bastard spy. She… _she deserves more_.”

And there it was. The truth.

I felt Mor still in front of me. Felt her crush me into a hug.

“Idiot. Damned idiot. You are perfect and _she_ knows that.”

I shook my head.

“Azriel--”

“And now, we are leaving tomorrow and how the hell am I supposed to deal with this?”

Mor paused. “You’ve barely known her. How much does this matter to you?”

An honest question.

I lifted my head slowly, looking to the female by the bonfire, her wet hair over her breasts. She turned to laugh at something Emry said and my heart clenched. Not at… not at her laugh, but at what…

 _No_.

_Nononono._

It couldn’t be.

Was the light tricking me or… was that a pair of Illyrian wings tattooed onto the back of her neck?

I felt tears slide down my cheeks as I slipped my fingers to the tattoo on the back of my neck and my shadows whispered, _Princess_.

I looked to Mor.

“She’s my mate.”


	23. Shadows

**KYRA**

 

I ignored the pain in my heart. The insistent clenching I couldn’t understand as he didn’t even talk to me and instead whisked away with Mor, the two of them embracing in the dark.

I… I had thought he felt something.

My Shadows.

But he wasn’t the same person anymore was he? He wasn’t the male who had loved me relentlessly. Who had kissed me and touched me with burning passion. He’d had five hundred years to move on.

Of course he did.

I don’t know why seeing it still hurt. Still flung daggers into my heart.

He was beautiful. Why would he want a broken thing like me?

“I’m going inside,” I whispered to Emry.

The keen-eyed male didn’t miss the look that shot through my eyes. And I didn’t particularly care as he trailed me back to the house, keeping an eye on me.

I slipped into the house, grabbing a bottle of the strongest drink I had, and slipped onto the empty roof.

The roof was bright, lit up by the floating golden faelights bobbing through the breeze. I laid down on the long couch, not bothering to comment as Emry sat on the edge of the roof, dangling his feet over the end.

I drank deeply from the bottle, sighing obnoxiously loud as Mira and Kai slipped onto the roof, the former scowling at me and no doubt, the absence of the shadowsinger. I didn’t have the energy to tell her it was fruitless. She slipped into a chair across from me, Kai grabbing the bottle from my hands and chugging a majority of it down. He left the bottle on the table and joined Emry, who stared off into the distance.

Leaving me and Mira.

“Where is he?”

I lifted my heavy eyes to her.

“What would I know?”

She frowned, biting her lip. “Give up easily?”

I curled onto my side, watching her. “I don’t think there was anything in his heart for me in the first place.”

She snorted, rolling her eyes. “You give up too easily.”

“My feelings haven’t changed.”

“Neither have his.”

I looked at her, my eyelids heavy. “I just imagined that something was there. I saw what I wanted to see. And besides, if he wanted me it would likely be for a temporary thing. He couldn’t love me. Not like I used to love him.”

There was a long pause. And then, “ _Do you_ love him?”

I didn’t deny it and it was answer enough.

She took the bottle from me and drank, wiping her mouth to say, “You should tell him how you feel.”

I snuggled into the pillow. “I’d rather be friends than ruin any connection at all.”

Mira didn’t disagree with me, and instead stared up at the sky.

I knew the two males could hear every bit of conversation. And I didn’t care.

“It’s hard, Mira. To look at the male you loved five hundred years ago in a prison cell and expect him to be the same, to _feel_ the same. To remember.”

I heard Emry swear in the distance. Heard it, and didn’t care.

“Just… don’t give up.” Mira’s voice was low and soothing.

I heard Kai clear his throat in the distance. I raised my eyebrow and met his stare, willing him to speak.

“If it is the Shadowsinger you’re talking about, then I suppose you should know he is leaving tomorrow. The Night Court is departing early.”

I felt my heartbeat die in my chest.

 _Tomorrow_. Azriel had never mentioned that.

And maybe that’s why he hadn’t talked to me tonight. Because to continue flirting with me, talking to me… it wouldn’t matter to him anymore when he left tomorrow.

I groaned and flipped over, facing the back of the couch. “Why do you always have to bring bad news, Kai?” I hissed into the pillow.

His laugh was rough and strained. I heard Emry’s footsteps leave the roof and I didn’t dare move.

When his footsteps faded I whispered into the dark, not caring if Mira heard, “Look at everything I’ve done. I’ve hurt Emry. I’ve fallen for a male who doesn’t love me. I… I don’t even deserve any happiness.”

No one responded and I wondered if they had left or if I had said the words to myself, but a warm hand rested on my arm and Kai rumbled, his voice soothing, “You deserve happiness more than any of us.”

When I remained silent, he continued, his voice warm. “You have been like a sister to me, a best friend to both Mira and Emry. And you have loved a male ceaselessly for over five hundred years. You are loyal and kind and beautiful. It is why so many love you.”

I felt salt sting at my eyes and didn’t hesitate before I stood up and crushed the male into a hug.

“Thank you,” I whispered.

He pulled back, smiling. His eyes were bright like the ocean at dawn. They traveled over my tears and then snapped to something behind me, going silent.

I heard Mira get up and I turned around to see… _that_ was where Emry had gone. He hadn’t left in anger or sadness, but instead had gone to find _him_.

Azriel stood there, his eyes warm, his shirt unbuttoned slightly to reveal the shadows moving over him like living tattoos. And those wings… I watched them as they rustled in the wind, glowing slightly from the reflection of his cobalt blue Siphons.

I untangled my hands from around Kai and stood to face the male as Kai wrapped his hand around Mira’s and led her off the roof.

“Hey,” I murmured softly, staring at the beautiful male.

He didn’t so much as speak. He only stood there quietly, looking at me strangely as if he’d never seen me before.

I suddenly felt bare under that fiery gaze. I suddenly wished I was wearing something more than the too-thin white shirt that was plastered to my body.

“Azriel,” I said, taking a step towards him.

He didn’t even blink, his shadows whirling around him on a warm summer wind.

He was still looking at me in a way I couldn’t quite understand. Seeing me, and yet… seeing someone else.

I didn’t dare step closer, especially as his hazel eyes flared and his mouth opened as if he’d say something.

I murmured his name again and he snapped out of the trance, his wings drooping slightly. He looked down at the floor, his lashes casting shadows on his golden cheeks.

And then he spoke, his voice softer than the wind.

“I was looking for you, Princess.”

=

I froze, wondering if he had said the words by mistake. If he had used that _name_ by mistake. The stupid nickname I had hated so much and yet loved more than life. The name he had given me over five hundred years ago.

His green-and-golden eyes lifted to mine slowly and I went still as he lifted a hand to the back of his neck. To where the tattoo would be.

“I failed you,” he whispered, his voice raspy. His hand became a fist and he lowered it from the tattoo. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Azriel,” I murmured, confusion and adrenaline coursing through me. His eyes looked to mine, doubt in them. As if he were doubting the conclusion he’d come to. And… and I could lie to him and he’d never know. But… he deserved to know he hadn’t failed, didn’t he?

“Azriel,” I said softly, taking a step toward him. His eyes ran over my body, burning with something I couldn’t recognize. “ _Shadows_ ,” I said, the words holding the answer I knew he searched for.

He shuddered and closed his eyes.

I took another step towards him, stopping a hair’s breadth from his chest.

He opened his eyes slowly, as if he were waking up.

“White,” he said softly.

“What?” I asked, cocking my head in confusion.

“White,” he repeated. “You were wearing white when you entered my cell nearly five hundred years ago.”

“I’m sorry,” was all I said.

“What for?” he asked, his voice heavy.

“For coming into your life now. For… for complicating things. But… but its okay. If things aren’t the same, if you love Mor and your family and…” I was rambling like an idiot.

His eyes flared in surprise and he laughed, the sound startled. “It isn’t like that, Kyra. I’ve been looking for you for a very, very long time.”

My body seized up, filled with warmth and joy.

He’d been looking, looking for _me_.

“Can I hold you?” he whispered, the question delicate.

My heartbeat raged through my chest, threatening to burst it open.

“Yes,” I whispered, eyes wide.

He gently wrapped his arms around me, pulling me to his chest. I could hear every raging heartbeat and every ragged breath that he took in. His arms tightened around me and it was only then I heard him cry.

I didn’t know what to do but to hold him, to let him process what I, too, was just processing. I squeezed him closer to me, scared to let go, lest he disappear into the night.

“You’re leaving tomorrow,” I whispered onto his chest. I said the words out loud, the words that had been haunting me ever since they escaped Kai’s lips.

He pulled back slowly, and I angled my head up to meet his eyes.

“I promised years ago that I would protect you and after I lost you I promised I would never lose you again.”

“And now…?”

“And now,” he said with stars in his beautiful eyes, “I won’t leave you again.”

I felt the smile creeping up but… “You have a family. In the Night Court.”

“I… I’ll figure it out,” he said, voice unsteady as his eyes roved over my eyes and my lips. His hands stroked my back gently, running up and down my spine.

The sound came back then. The world seemed to slip back into place as I heard the music, bright and bubbly. As I heard the laughs from below and from the ocean, filling the night air. As I heard the waves crashing and the beauty in the world all over again.

And still it wasn’t a dream. Still, he was there, arms loose around my body, but still there. Holding me from disappearing as I was holding him.

There was still doubt in his eyes as I’m sure there was in mine. But I kept reminding myself, this was real. And I kept thinking of a way to prove to him that this was real.

I untangled one of my arms and lifted it up to rest on his warm cheek. I stroked a thumb over the line of that beautifully sculpted jaw and watched as he leaned into it, his breathing shuddering as he closed his eyes.

And then, I lifted my lips to his.

Five hundred years later, I still remembered those lips. Remembered the shape and warmth of the male I had kissed centuries ago. That male was still here--bigger and stronger than he had been so long ago.

His warm lips shifted against mine and I moaned softly as his arms tightened around me, pulling me closer to his body. His mouth traced the lines of my own, insistent and patient all at once. His fingers began exploring, one thrumming over my hips and lower, the other lifting to tangle in my hair. His shadows danced along my bare skin, cool kisses to combat the fiery burn in my body.

I tangled my own fingers into his silken hair as he deepened the kiss, a groan rumbling from deep within his chest. His mouth opened for me and I gripped the muscle of his body tighter as his tongue slipped in, meeting mine time and time again.

“Azriel,” I moaned as his left hand found my backside and pressed me further into him, into where I could feel his hardness.

I moaned his name again as I dragged my fingers over his chest and his lips explored down my jaw and neck, leaving fire in their wake.

“ _Az_.” His name on my lips was breathless as that hand slipped under my shirt, cupping my rear. At the first squeeze of his scars against my backside, I cried out in pleasure. As his tongue traced fiery lines over my collarbone, I exploded. As I dug my nails into his back and he growled in a purely Illyrian way that made heat pool in my core, I burned. I burned and burned and burned.

I yelped as he lifted me in a smooth motion and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He carried me to the couch, sitting down. I remained in his lap, my fingers trying to take as much as possible, exploring every inch of that beautiful, muscled body.

My name was beautiful on his lips as he moaned it, as I palmed him through his pants.

He began reaching for the buttons of my shirt, his eyes a bit wild, when there was a polite cough behind us.

I turned around, eyes wide as I noticed the General.

I felt heat rise to my neck as I realized how we looked, with his hand on my ass and his mouth on my body.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Cassian said with a wicked smile.

Azriel snarled, nothing of the kind male I knew in it.

“ _But_ , something’s happened.”

I untangled myself from Azriel and padded over to the General, who watched me… differently.

“What is it?”

He sighed and nodded to Azriel, who stood slowly, his burning eyes still locked on my body. It was nearly enough to make me tangle back into his arms.

“It’s Night Court business,” he said with a grumble. “A group of pissed-off Illyrians attacked Velaris earlier. We’re heading back.”

I looked to Azriel, whose eyes were wide. Not only at the attack but at what he had to do. To leave.

But I saw the refusal in his eyes, his reluctance to go.

“Go,” I murmured softly as the male turned his dimmed eyes to me. They ran over me with a predatory graze. I didn’t balk away from it.

He let out a long breath and came up to me. Kissed me.

“I won’t go again,” he said, his eyes full of… fear.

“I’m safe,” I said, gripping his arm.

He stared at me a long time and then whispered, “Come with me.”

I tilted my head in surprise. “I… I mean.” I turned to the General. “I suppose I can help if its alright with you.”

He bowed his head slightly, his eyes wholly on Azriel as he said. “Of course.”

I kissed my shadowsinger on the cheek and slipped into my room to pack. Minutes later, Rhysand took my hand, and winnowed us all to Velaris.


	24. Velaris

**AZRIEL**

 

Velaris… I was home and--I turned to my right--she was here too.

I looked down at where I was holding her hand as we winnowed into the Night Court in a circle.

Home. She was coming to my _home_.

Pride glimmered in my chest as we landed outside the town house, stars twinkling above. I watched her let go of Rhysand’s hand and mine and spin in a circle, looking at the glory of the city.

“Welcome to my city, Captain,” Rhysand said, a faint smile blooming on his lips at her wonder.

Her eyes were bright--so damn bright.

I went rigid though as Amren stalked toward us, her hair a ruffled mess. She had blood on her hands.

I felt Kyra move closer to me as she studied the little woman--not out of fear, but something else.

Amren, who had stayed only for a day in Adriata, sniffed the female at my side. Her eyes went slightly wide as she looked at me, as she realized who the female beside me was.

My mate.

I wrapped an arm around her protectively, shooting Amren a glare to stay away. And to not say anything of the bond. She snorted and turned to Rhysand.

“I took care of a majority of the Illyrians. The rest that I captured are waiting for you.”

Rhysand’s eyes were dark as he looked at me and spoke into my mind.

_I need you to come with me._

I looked to the starry woman at my side. She looked up at me, understanding.

“Go,” she murmured.

“Keep her safe,” I snapped to Cassian, and winnowed away.


	25. Home

**KYRA**

 

I watched the spot where Azriel had disappeared, suddenly missing his warmth.

The city was vast, massive. A haven.

And… and the night sky. I had forgotten its beauty. Its endless night and endless stars. It was all I had missed in Adriata. And Azriel, I had missed him too. But this was his home. Where he’d grown and lived and loved.

Mor smiled at me, the smile welcoming. “Welcome to Velaris,” she said, her voice softer than I had expected it to be.

I smiled at her. “It’s beautiful.”

Feyre sighed, looking up at the stars. “Indeed it is.”

“I never imagined… that such a place could exist in the Night Court.”

Mor shrugged. “Your world outside of the Night Court had no idea what laid in our borders until now.”

I shook my head. “No--I mean I grew up in the Night Court, but… such a place. It’s massive and cherished.”

There was a pause around me and I turned to see Mor with her brow raised. “You grew up in this Court?”

Perhaps Azriel hadn’t told them. And maybe I should wait for him… but it was my story to tell too.

“I was born near Cesere,” I murmured, staring at the busy lights of the city and the colorful people rushing through it. “I met Azriel while he was in the prison,” I said, the words quiet enough to be swept away into oblivion by the wind.

I looked up to find Cassian and Mor’s eyes wide.

I laughed softly. “We met over five hundred years ago. It just… took time for us to recognize one another again when we met earlier in Adriata.”

Mor’s voice was soft as she asked, “Were you a prisoner?”

“No,” I said quietly. “I… left my home when I was young and I had no money. After a year of starvation, I began working in an Illyrian prison as a servant just to be able to _eat_. I ended up not getting paid and found that I was trapped.” The stars twinkled above my head. I could feel the full focus of Amren, Feyre, Mor, Cassian, and Elain. Nesta was nowhere in sight.

“I was eventually assigned to the west wing, where Azriel was being held. And… it didn’t take long for me to fall in love with him. He was so lonely but he had so much spirit in him… and I somehow found him to be the safest of all of the guards and servants in that prison. And I eventually made a bargain with him. To protect him and in return he would protect me. And… I’d get him out somehow. Of that horrid prison.”

Cassian’s eyes were silver-lined. I huffed a breath and stuck my hands in my pockets.

“But… I’d attracted the wrong sort of attention and eventually I was beaten to a pulp. They threw me out, assuming I was dead. Cauldron, _Az_ thought I was dead. But I came to in the middle of nowhere, snow around me for miles. I couldn’t find Az, couldn’t go back to save him. And eventually, all I knew was that I wanted to be warm again. That I never wanted to see dark again. So I travelled for miles and miles barefoot, until that warmth and light led me to Adriata.”

I bit my lip and looked down.

“But all that time… I just wanted to find his warmth. I guess it led me to him in the end…” The words trailed off, soft as the snow floating on the breeze.

I only moved when I knew Cassian was crying, two silver lines down his cheeks. I wondered if the General had ever cried, from the pained look on Feyre’s face.

Cassian looked at me, none of that arrogant male on his face. “Thank you--for giving him light when all he had was dark.”

The words crushed me, making my heart ache and he didn’t complain as I pulled him into a tight embrace.

“Thank you--for being a brother to him, and giving him light in his _life_.”

Cassian’s arms wrapped tighter around me, squeezing me. He kissed my head and pulled back, a wicked grin on his face.

“I guess that means you’re a member of the Inner Circle then.”

I blushed. “I don’t know if things with me and Azriel are like that still. At least on his part…”

“Bullshit. You two were on the roof making out like--”

Mor burst out laughing as I punched Cassian’s shoulder.

He smiled. “If anything, I want you in the Inner Circle because I like you very much.”

“I’m flattered.”

Mor chimed in, “You want her in the Inner Circle so you can train with her every day and get your ass beat.”

Cassian snorted. “I won’t lose again.”

I grinned. “I suppose we’ll have to have a round two then.”

“You’re on.”

=

An hour later, I was in the House of Wind, flown in by Cassian himself. After drinking with the General and Mor for nearly fifty minutes, I was exhausted. I barely made it to the spare room they had, even though Cassian had hinted I should slip into Azriel’s room. I was snoring away when I felt a shadow tickle my ear.

I slipped out of the bed, my ivory nightgown clinging to my hips as I opened the door.

Azriel stood in the entrance.

He ran an eye over me--over the thin clothes and the silk that clung to my hips and was short enough to show off my legs.

“Hey,” I murmured, getting on my tippy toes to kiss him. I was exhausted and I could barely keep my eyes open. “Everything go well?”

There was a hint of darkness in his eyes.

“Fine.”

I yawned. “Hmm. That’s a lie.”

He snorted softly, his eyes shuttering. “Do you want to sleep here tonight?” I asked softly, taking his hand.

He understood what I meant. Sleep--nothing else for tonight. And company from whatever horrors gnawed at him.

“Is it alright?” he asked tentatively.

“Of course.” I leaned up and kissed his cheek before opening the door wider.

He slipped in, his eyes weary but lucid.

I slipped into the covers, groaning at the soft silk. He chuckled at whatever expression I had on and quickly washed up.

A minuted later, Az slipped on a plain shirt and loose pants, slipping in slowly from the other side of the bed.

“Are you sure?” he asked softly.

I smiled, even though I was too tired to fully open my eyes, and pulled him into the bed, wrapping my arms around him.

“Sleep well, Shadows,” I murmured, kissing his hair.

A moment later, his arms twined around mine and he tangled his legs with mine, stroking my back. He kissed my nose and held me close to him.

“Goodnight, Princess.”


	26. Bonds

**AZRIEL**

 

I woke the next morning feeling lighter than I had in centuries. And I looked to the reason why I had slept so well, still curled against my body.

Her hair was messy and her eyelashes kissed her cheeks. Her breaths were soft and I smiled as I noticed the way she held onto me with one hand, the other hand’s fingers twined with mine.

I sighed softly, brushing a kiss against her nose, content to watch her all day if need be.

She was beautiful. She was… everything. She was _my mate_. And I was hers.

I smiled as those stunning eyes opened, first going to admire the wing I cocooned her with. I felt a blush creep up my face as she turned to me, her eyes glazed with desire.

“Good morning,” Kyra whispered, wrapping her arm around me and pulling me closer. I obliged, melting as her warmth seeped through my thin shirt.

“Morning, Princess.”

Her eyes twinkled at the name I used and I felt my entire body go still as she leaned in and brushed a kiss to my lips, her mouth soft and warm. She smiled against me, her finger tangling in my hair as she greedily pulled me to her, kissing me roughly.

I groaned at the first brush of her tongue, shifting as she bit my lower lip.

“Kyra,” I began, a bit breathless as she raised a finger to the curve of my wing. I could feel the heat of that finger, even as it hovered just above the membrane.

“Hmm?” she murmured, a slippy-yet-sultry smile on her stunning face.

“I love you,” I breathed out, my body filled with all kinds of emotions.

“I love you too, Shadows,” she chuckled as that finger made contact, scraping across the curve of my wing. It sent a shock straight to my core, rousing me. Another trail of those wicked fingers had me gasping.

“A-Are you sure that you’re ready for--”

“Yes,” she breathed, her eyes certain.

I still hesitated, remembering how she had been taken against her will all those years ago. I still heard her screams in my sleep.

“Az,” she murmured, gently taking my jaw in her hand. “I’m okay. I want this. I want _you_. I wouldn’t trust anyone else with my body.”

I shivered at the trust in those words and brushed a grateful kiss against her neck, growling at the heat I found there.

“And Az?”

“Hmm?” I mumbled through kisses.

“You can be rough with me.”

I felt the words register in my brain, felt myself harden. I felt my world slipping away from underneath me as I gently nipped at the flesh between her neck and collarbone and rasped, “Anything for you.”

She let out a gasp as I rolled on top of her, pinning her hands above her head with my shadows. Her eyes were burning with desire.

“If you want to stop, you tell me,” I said roughly, looking at where she was stretched below me. She hummed some agreement, but the blood was roaring in my head and all I could imagine was what was waiting for me under those stupid clothes.

I slid my hand up her thigh, watching as those shadows held her hands up on the pillows, as she rubbed her thighs together to get some friction.

I snarled softly, lifting that nightgown over her breasts.

 _Beautiful_. She was so beautiful. Every curve and every little freckle called to me. I could feel myself straining against my pants and I groaned as Kyra watched it too.

I leaned down, taking one of her breasts in my mouth, one hand helping with my ministrations above, the other trailing to her core, where she was already wet.

I made quick work of removing her underclothes, my knuckle brushing against her folds.

 _Cauldron_ , she was wet.

She moaned at the roughness of my hands, watching as I slipped one finger into her, and then another.

“ _Az_ ,” she cried out, body arching against the shadows that held her down. I laughed as she writhed against my fingers, driving them deeper into her body.

When she was on the verge of losing it, I lowered my mouth and tongue to her, using my tongue right where she wanted it.

She cried out, her body arching.

The shadows skittered away and I groaned as she pushed me onto my back, her hands running along my cock.

“ _Fuck_ ,” I groaned, watching as she unbuttoned my pants, eyes wide as she pulled my undershorts away.

“Az, you’re _huge_ ,” she whimpered, the sound followed by a low moan from her mouth as she took me into her hands.

I let that stupid male pride fill me, let the Illyrian in me a little loose at her words.

I cried out as she put her mouth on me, flicking her tongue over the sensitive tip and taking me deep into her mouth. Her tongue was a cruel, wicked thing as she bobbed up and down along my length.

“ _Kyra_ ,” I hissed, feeling too close to the edge. I flipped her onto her stomach, making sure she didn’t have any protests as I slid into her. In and in and in.

I groaned, low and deep at the wetness that met me.

And then I was moving, relishing the noises she made as I fucked her rough, against the wall and the bed. We held onto each other, on the verge of tears as we both approached that shimmering end. Her fingers tangled in my hair and then ran over my bare chest, leaving marks as I deepened my strokes.

When she ran her tongue up the curve of my wing, I obliterated.

I roared her name, spilling myself into her endlessly, making that bond brighter and brighter until it snapped into place permanently and our scents mingled.

Kyra’s eyes were filled with wonder as I removed myself from her, kissing her damp cheek.

“You’re my mate,” she whispered, sitting up.

I bit my lip, suddenly feeling ashamed for not mentioning it earlier.

“Azriel,” she whispered, my face in her hands, “did you know?”

I bowed into her hands.

“I knew that night we went down to the beach and talked. We were dancing and I just… felt it.”

I wondered if she’d hate me for hiding it… if she didn’t even _want_ the bond.

I stayed there, bowed, waiting for her response. I was laid utterly bare and vulnerable to her.

And that was why it hurt so badly when she slipped out of bed, threw on her nightgown, and left the room.


	27. I Love You

**KYRA**

 

My _mate_ . He was my _mate_.

And he had hid it from me, as if I would hate being bound to him.

What in the world had I possibly done to deserve _him_? That tall, handsome male with impossibly beautiful hazel eyes and wings of night.

The feeling overwhelmed me, filled my mind with only one feeling.

I slipped out of the room, throwing on my nightgowns, and hurried to the kitchen. I grabbed a pastry from the counter, not giving a shit if I hadn’t made it myself. All I wanted was to show him that he didn’t have to hide it from me, that I would have accepted the bond no matter what. That _he_ was enough.

I slid back into the room, watching as he turned to me, still naked on the bed. His eyes were silver-lined and I cursed myself as I realized the impression I must have made walking away from him.

But his eyes… they went straight to the blackberry tart in my hand.

“Kyra?” he whispered, asking a question without really asking one.

“I love you,” I said from the doorway, to the brilliant male who had _literally_ laid himself bare to me. Who had always given me a choice. Who had always respected me.

“And, Az, if you’ll let me, I’d like to love you forever. To… offer this and be your mate.”

His eyes widened, black gobbling up the hazel.

I gently walked up to him, sitting on the bed before him, and held out the pastry.

He stared at it for a long time and I nearly panicked but then his beautiful fingers brushed mine, picking up the tart.

He lifted it to his mouth and practically _swallowed_ it.

I laughed as the tart disappeared, laughed as I realized that the Cauldron had blessed me with this beautiful, stunning male. His lips finally curled into a smile as we felt that bond cleave us together, as the hunger for one another grew again.

“I love you, Azriel,” I whispered, tangling my fingers with his. “I love you, scars and all.”

A tear slipped down his face and I wiped it away, smiling as he kissed me.

“I love you Kyra.”

I grinned. “I suppose this means I get to _really_ meet your family?”

His eyes lit up.

Centuries. We would have centuries and centuries together to love one another. To look at each other like this, each and every waking day.

“Not just yet,” he said with a smirk.

I squealed as he pulled me back into bed and showed me just how much he loved me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for hanging with me through this journey! I really hope you enjoyed this story. 
> 
> I have a few more Azriel x OC stories written out because I'm a sucker for him. If you enjoy this work and want me to post those, drop a comment! Thanks for reading. Feedback is always appreciated! :)
> 
> I am also willing to take requests for one-shots within the ACOTAR fandom so hit me up!


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